ESTJ Flirting & Dating: How to Attract an ESTJ

ESTJs are naturally direct people who believe in going after the things they want in life. Because of this desire to accomplish their goals, they don’t really like wasting their time on things that don’t seem important. They might be practical people, but that doesn’t mean ESTJs don’t have their own flirting style. They do care about romantic relationships and often value them deeply. They aren’t the type to enter into anything without it being serious, and so dating is an important thing for the ESTJ in order to learn about a person and if they are right for them.

ESTJ Flirting

ESTJs are not likely to be subtle when they are interested in someone and are often rather direct about it. They believe in being upfront about their intentions and don’t want to waste time pretending or playing games. When the ESTJ likes someone, they want to clarify this and will often express their interest by asking about the person. They will learn more about them and their interests and will likely ask them upfront if they are seeing someone. ESTJs don’t believe in being shy or trying to hide their feelings. Instead, they believe in focusing on their goals. When the ESTJ wants to pursue someone, they will be sure to go after them with a sense of direction and purpose. This can appear aggressive to some people, but for the ESTJ, it is simply because they don’t want to allow someone to slip away who they might truly like. It is rare that the ESTJ meets someone they can feel open with and really want to get to know each other on a deeper level, so when this happens, they don’t like to waste time or play games. 

ESTJs might not flirt in the more stereotypical ways. Instead, they will seek to impress the person they are interested in. They want to show off their own skills and accomplishments and let this person know just how impressive they can be. For them, it is about expressing what they have to offer and putting their best out there for them to see. ESTJs just don’t believe in doing anything halfway and instead want to give everything they have when they are trying to attract the object of their affection.

In a Relationship

ESTJs in relationships are giving people who want to be sure to make their partner happy. They are providers and will often take on the responsibility of tending to the practical needs of their families.  When the ESTJ is with someone, they don’t want that person to go without their important practical needs and will blame themselves if they fail at this task. They care about being supportive in whatever way possible, including ensuring their loved ones are happy. The ESTJ wants to listen to their partner when they need it and will do whatever they can to solve their problems and lessen their burdens in life. ESTJs show they care by practical means since they aren’t comfortable expressing their feelings in sentimental or over-the-top ways. Since this can be challenging for them, they will simply find other ways of showing their affection, and the biggest way is by always being loyal. The ESTJ believes in standing by the person they are with and so honoring their commitment to them is vital. They would not do anything which might jeopardize their loyalty and would truly feel guilty if they ever did anything to betray the people they love.

Casual Dating

ESTJs really aren’t fans of casual dating, especially as they get older. They might participate in this when they are younger, mostly to fit in and seem normal to others. For the ESTJ, wasting time dating people who aren’t likely to be a good match for them feels like they are really wasting their own time and energy. ESTJs are goal-oriented people who want to push forward and find ways of getting things done. When it comes to relationships, they want to be able to take these things seriously, and casual dating negates this completely. For the ESTJ, when something does not serve a practical or logical purpose, it often feels pointless or even a bit exhausting. They want to be working towards something and believe in doing what they need to to build a future. This includes making connections and relationships which will actually last, and that they can feel committed to.

ESTJs do want to fit into their community and so they might try to date more casually if this is something they are being pushed towards. This is more likely to happen when the ESTJ is younger, as they start to lose interest in this as they mature. The mature ESTJ likely has no interest or time for casual dating. Instead, they are likely searching for someone they can share their lives with. This is because loyalty is so important to the ESTJ, and it is hard to remain truly loyal to someone when the intention is to keep things casual between them.

How to Attract the ESTJ

ESTJs are attracted to people who are confident in themselves and their goals. A person who knows what they want from life and isn’t afraid to make this known will draw their attention. ESTJs don’t like people who are constantly emotional and cannot seem to maintain a sense of control over their feelings. They definitely find it appealing when someone has a clear sense of direction and is confident in themselves and unafraid to show this. Loyalty is one of the most attractive qualities for the ESTJ. Not only is it attractive, but it is vital in any relationship for them. ESTJs are also attracted to people who are passionate about things and willing to fight for what they believe in.


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