Enneagram Type 4 Flirting & Dating: How to Attract Enneagram Type Four

The Enneagram is a categorization of personality types based on how people perceive and respond to the world and information they gather, as well their own emotions. This describes 9 different enneagram or personality types, and each one possesses certain core beliefs which are what drives them. These beliefs drive each type and also can be limiting at times, which is why understanding them is so important. It isn’t meant to lock people into those weaknesses or limitations, instead it is meant to help them improve and find ways to maintain a sense of healthy balance in their lives. It also helps to gain a deeper understanding of what motivates the people around you, and helps to comprehend why they contradict themselves at times. Knowing the enneagram gives a clearer sense of these inner motivations and even fears.

Dating can be difficult at times, and so understanding your partner and how they communicate can be a great first step towards connecting better with them. While knowing someone’s enneagram cannot instantly make you closer or give you all of the answers, it can help you learn and understand their motivations a bit better. Knowing where someone is coming from can clarify certain aspects of your relationship and help you to communicate with them in ways they understand and connect to. Learning someone’s flirting and dating style can help avoid certain miscommunications, especially towards someone you truly want to grow closer to. 

Type 4 Values

The type 4 personality tends to see themselves as different from others, wanting to develop a strong sense of identity. The idea of being normal or just like everyone else, is often seen as a bad thing to them. They want to stand apart, and can become self-conscious about this desire. They can be fearful of vulnerability, since they don’t want to be judged or seen as ordinary by others. Fours care about self-expression and being able to find beautiful ways to show the world who they are and what makes them unique. They can often struggle with the idea that no one can ever truly understand them, always feeling far too different or strange to be loved the way they want to be. This causes them to distance themselves from people at times, especially when they are feeling a constant disconnect from the world around them. While there are certain aspects which can cause them to be unhealthy, the healthy four is actually great at personal self-awareness. They can see their strengths and flaws, but this helps them to work on those problem areas and not feel so alienated because of it. Finding meaning in their lives and a sense of purpose is truly the most important goal for the type 4 person.

Type 4 Flirting Style

Type 4 people are often unique and expressive and this can come into play with their flirting style as well. They might feel as if they are awkward when it comes to flirting, not always knowing how to behave in order to attract someone they like. While they might feel internally like they are being awkward, they can also be rather charming to those around them. When they are being a bit more playful and willing to express this part of themselves, their flirting can be both fun and alluring. The fact that they don’t mind standing out in order to be themselves and express who they are, is often something which attracts people to them. Their flirting style is often rather playful but they are always sincere.

Type 4 Attraction

Four’s are often attracted to people who are comfortable with their emotions and not afraid of expressing themselves. They need to feel safe to express their emotions and need a partner who is comfortable with this as well. Someone who is emotionally mature and understanding is going to go a long way with the type 4 partner. They are often attracted to people who appear unique and have their own way of showing this part of who they are. Someone who simply follows trends and doesn’t have a means of standing out amongst a sea of people, is unlikely to really draw them in. Someone who is not afraid of standing out and has interests which make them seem a bit mysterious and unique, is definitely attractive to the type 4 person.

For them having a partner who is a good listener and doesn’t make them feel judged, is going to go a long way. They are often viewed as sensitive people and so having someone who understands and appreciates this will make them very happy. They need someone who is capable of giving them compliments and knows how to express those positive feelings, or else they can start to feel unappreciated and unloved. Someone who can verbalize their feelings and make the type 4 feel important is something which they need in a partner. This is why people who are willing to give compliments and express those feelings are going to be naturally appealing to them. They need to feel that type of connection with their partner and need to know that they can be themselves without judgment or shame.

Things to Avoid

The most important thing is to avoid shutting down the four’s feelings, or making them feel dramatic for them. Telling them that they need to calm down or that they are overreacting is honestly very harmful to them. They are honest and sincere with their emotions, but because they feel things so deeply it can certainly be expressing and seem over the top to people who don’t understand them. This is why having a partner who appreciates this about them, is truly vital. Making them feel like they are wrong for feeling a certain way is going to stifle them and make them very unhappy.


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