Written By Kirsten Moodie
Little Truths About ESFJs That They Want Others To Understand
ESFJs are often known as the hosts and hostesses of the Myers-Briggs world. They go out of their way to make sure that everyone is taken care of and are often very organized individuals. ESFJs are a type that has a few misinformed stereotypes floating around about them. We are here to abolish the charade and explain why ESFJs are truly wonderful people to have in your life.
They Care Deeply
ESFJs will invest all of their emotional energy into caring for their loved ones. They want to do whatever it takes to make them happy, regardless of what that means for themselves. The ESFJ wants to be supportive and strong for the people that they care about. They don’t always express their emotions, but they do feel them very deeply. They are affectionate and warm but sometimes they struggle to openly express themselves. The way that they express themselves is by tending to the practical and emotional needs of the people around them. They often care about everyone and we mean EVERYONE. They have a hard time not being compassionate towards people and want to do everything that they can to make others happy. The ESFJ cares about everyone but they do prioritize who matters most to them. They often have a mental list of whose needs should be met first. They want to be capable of juggling the needs of everyone around them, doing their best to make sure everyone is happy.
They Aren’t Actually Gossips
ESFJs are often stereotyped as shallow and gossipy. The truth is that most ESFJs avoid gossiping about others at all costs. They may confide in the people closest to them when they are frustrated, but this is not intended to be shared with anyone else. They want to make sure that they don’t hurt others and gossiping is something they find very hurtful. If they ever share anything about someone it is often to a person that they trust. The ESFJs main purpose is to make other people happy, not to hurt them. They are extremely conscious of how their actions will affect others, never wanting to do something that may harm someone.
ESFJs being seen as shallow is rather inaccurate. ESFJs are products of their environments, often responding to their surroundings. If they are around people who focus on more “shallow” aspects of life, the ESFJ will attempt to fit into that. If the ESFJ is around people who enjoy exploring new ideas and diving deep into their thoughts, they will be eager to do that as well. The ESFJ values deep relationships and are very committed to others. They are often very caring, wanting to do whatever they can to affect the people around them. ESFJs often feel hurt when they see others in pain, wishing that they could do something to help.
ESFJs are actually very passionate individuals, it is just that they focus this on others. They often have many things in their lives that they hold very close to them. They enjoy diving into the things that they enjoy, but rarely find the time to do this. Their level of caring for people often fuels a strong sense of passion inside of them. They may be held back sometimes, since they fear stepping out of their comfort zone. With the right person by their side, the ESFJ can jump into very exciting and intense new things.
They Give Until It Hurts
ESFJs often give more of themselves than anyone is really capable of. They will often spend their time organizing the lives of those around them. The ESFJ wants to make sure that everyone is happy and taken care of. Of course, trying to please everyone is an impossible task but don’t try telling the ESFJ this. They will expend every little bit of energy that they have, even when their energy source has run dry. They will often go out of their way to figure out what people need in their lives and work to acquire that for them. They remember the details about their loved ones, just in case these things become important later on. This may annoy others, since the ESFJ has a way of taking control of people’s lives. They integrate themselves into the daily needs of the people that they care about, as a way to help fix all of their problems. They only do this because they want to help, often being able to see what is “best” for everyone.
The ESFJ is often very organized and capable of maintaining many lists inside their mind. They know what needs to be done and attempt to juggle everything to accomplish their tasks. They also enjoy being able to keep up with social aspects of their world, doing their best to make sure that they are the social butterfly that everyone enjoys. They want to be friendly and likable, enjoying the chance to be around others. The ESFJ isn’t always as “extroverted” as some people may think though. They often are willing to drop back and allow others to be the center of attention. ESFJs enjoy balancing between being entertaining and allowing others to shine as well. They are more than willing to listen to what others have to say, observing their surroundings.
They Have Needs Too
ESFJs often are so focused on the needs of others, it may seem like they don’t have needs themselves. Obviously this is not true, the ESFJ has their own set of needs. They often neglect those needs in order to take care of others, which can become very draining over time. The ESFJ needs people around them who will be aware of them as well. When people are willing to take care of the ESFJ and show them just as much kindness as the ESFJ show others, it is greatly appreciated. When people actually are consciously trying to make the ESFJ happy, they can feel that very strongly. They will become even more giving towards someone who shows apperception towards them. They are loving and warm individuals, who simply love being around people that they care about.
Keeping harmony is important to the ESFJ. They may avoid conflict, this is not at all because they do not care. ESFJs simply feel unhappy and uncomfortable when there is conflict around them. They do their best to make things happy and harmonious in their environment. When things are not in order the ESFJ feels like this chaos is their own fault. They take it upon themselves, feeling they their best just isn’t good enough. ESFJs are much harder on themselves than they may appear, making it very hard when others put pressure on them.
They Become Emotionally Drained
ESFJs are social creatures, but they do become emotionally drained. They are often acutely aware of the emotions of others around them. This strong sense of other people’s feelings is nearly impossible for the ESFJ to shut off. They may attempt to ignore it, but the ESFJ feels everything very deeply. When someone around them is upset or stressed, the ESFJ often senses this. They want to do what is best for people, which makes them feel like they need to fix their emotional state. Because of this awareness, the ESFJ may become drained over time. When this happens they need some space and time to themselves. The ESFJ needs to be able to take a break from tending to the needs of others and just allow themselves to relax. It is unlikely that the ESFJ will take this time on their own, needing other people to force them into it. They have a very hard time saying “no”, feeling like people will not appreciate them if they do. The struggle is that when other people are in pain, so is the ESFJ.
Although the ESFJ is entirely focused on making others happy, they need people to care for them as well. An ESFJ will never tell you that they need help, but the truth is that everyone needs help sometimes. Being supportive of your ESFJ and working to make sure their needs are met, will go a very long way. Just showing that you care and attempting to take some of the weight off of their shoulders sometimes, will make them appreciate you even more. ESFJs are giving and caring individuals, who are well worth loving.
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