INTP Intimacy: How the INTP Feels About Intimate Relationships
While many people long for the feelings attached to intimacy, not everyone is all that comfortable with opening themselves up and being vulnerable in the way true intimacy often requires. For some it often feels easier to remain detached, and even distant when it comes to close relationships. They would rather keep people at a bit of a distance, never feeling safe allowing themselves to be fully intimate with them. For others this is the opposite of how they live their lives, and so they are always searching for some sort of intimacy and true deep connection with the people in their lives. This can sometimes be attributed to personality types, as certain types are more drawn to the idea of intimacy than others.
INTPs can be viewed as cold or distant people, but this is just what others see on the surface. This doesn’t actually represent who they are, or what they want from relationships. INTPs often do crave a sense of closeness or emotional intimacy from others, they just struggle to find the best ways to go after this. It can be hard to really accept their own feelings or desires, since INTPs are naturally more inclined to follow logic and reason. When it comes to uncovering their own emotions, this process can be unnerving and INTPs do have a tendency to push those things aside. They can be hesitant to open up to someone enough to really reach that point of true intimacy, and so it can be difficult for them to find this. They are often stuck in the position of desiring intimacy with someone, but being withdrawn and afraid of being vulnerable enough to reach this level.
Being an introvert means that INTPs require a lot of time alone, and this also means they don’t do quite as well with people who need to interact constantly. For them intimacy doesn’t have to be about constant chatter or always being in the same proximity as that person. The INTP desires a type of intimacy which allows them to feel close to someone even when they aren’t necessarily near them, or simply when they are in the same room without speaking. For them it is about feeling that inner connection which goes beyond having that person’s physical presence, or hearing them talk about their feelings. They want a type of intimacy which allows them to feel that connection when they are apart, and even makes them feel even more intimate with them. INTPs will think about their loved ones fairly often, processing their interactions and the feelings they have about them when they are apart. This actually helps the relationship to grow stronger when there is a true sense of intimacy between themselves and this individual. For the INTP this time apart can be really good for their relationships when they already feel a connection and closeness. So for them intimacy can be about more than being around that person, it can be about remaining close even when they are apart. Sometimes this distance can help put things into perspective, and when they get together again it feels truly special and exciting for them to do so.
INTPs do often crave a sense of intimacy, even though this isn’t necessarily something they will open admit to. They want to feel a connection to someone special, and feel safe fully showing themselves to this person. The INTP can often deal with feeling different from others, and even feels judged because of this. It is hard for them to find people they feel a real spark with, or something which goes beyond the surface. They don’t want to make connections which don’t really inspire them or foster some kind of growth in their lives. This is why it can be difficult for them to truly be intimate with someone, as they don’t always feel safe letting that person in enough to do so. INTPs also find themselves battling between their hearts and their heads fairly often, struggling to really figure out which path they should follow. They want to make logical choices, and believe in following reason rather than allowing emotions to cloud their judgement. At the same time INTPs have complex minds and hearts, and find themselves craving a closeness which goes beyond the surface. When they care for someone they feel this very deeply, even if they cannot always make sense of this or express it in the way they want to. INTPs do want to feel a connection which goes rather deep, this is something they often crave even if they don’t admit this openly or even recognize it themselves.
What Holds Them Back
INTPs can be held back by a fear of being vulnerable or of being rejected when they do open up. To be truly intimate you have to be comfortable being vulnerable and showing yourself completely to someone, and this is something which can be stressful for the INTP. While they might want to be close to someone, it isn’t always easy showing parts of themselves they often keep inside. They have likely encountered people in their lives who have judged them or misunderstood them, and this makes them resistant to endure that type of rejection again. INTPs want to be able to open up, but at the same time their gut response is often to keep the walls up. They struggle with expressing their feelings verbally and openly, and this does make the process a bit challenging for them at times. INTPs don’t like feeling as if they have lost control or are allowing emotions to be the deciding factor for them. They might logically see why being this vulnerable is a bad idea, and find themselves hesitating to really take that leap. With the right person this process can be easier, and the INTP might find themselves reaching that level of intimacy as they mature and become more comfortable with the idea.