INTJ Hurt Feelings: How To Deal With Emotional Wounds

Everyone has to endure getting their feelings hurt once in a while, in some instances it is more severe than others. While some people might handle this by burying those feelings and moving on, this isn’t the natural response for everyone. Being sensitive to hurt feelings isn’t something to be ashamed of, having emotions is a natural part of life. For some personality types it does seem easier to receive hurt feelings, especially from those they love. For others it seems to be harder to offend them or get underneath their skin, but that doesn’t mean it is impossible. Anyone with very human emotions is going to get hurt once in a while, whether it is from someone intentionally trying to wound or simply accidental.

INTJs often become stereotyped as cold and unfeeling, but this could not be further from the truth. INTJs do care deeply about those close to them and they feel emotions just like everyone else does. The difference for INTJs is that they prefer to focus on facts and practical means of getting things done, and so they do bury their emotions in the process. INTJs don’t focus as much on emotions or feelings, because they cannot prove them or find tangible ways to understand and predict them. This makes it something a bit more challenging for the INTJ and so they turn more to facts and evidence. Just because they bury emotions, does not mean they don’t still get their feelings hurt sometimes.

INTJ & Hurt Feelings

INTJs don’t often let people close enough to them in order for that person to truly hurt them. They can be guarded when it comes to their feelings and their connections, because they value their sense of loyalty and don’t take it lightly. They want to be sure someone is worth their time and energy, and so it takes a while for that person to earn their trust. When the INTJ does let someone close, they can certainly get their feelings hurt by them just like anyone else. They value their loved ones opinions and what they say or do. Actions can cause the INTJ to get their feelings hurt even more than words, since they can often be more thick-skinned with how people express things verbally. Being that INTJs aren’t always tactful they prefer honesty and try not to be offended or hurt by certain things. INTJs are rather sensitive to certain actions, or signs of betrayal. If someone goes behind their back or does not defend them when they are being talked about poorly, the INTJ will be extremely hurt by this. When they let someone close they want that person to remain loyal to that connection and relationship. So having someone betray their trust is going to truly hurt the INTJs feelings and make it hard for them to remain close to that person.

INTJs can be rather direct in how they express things, and so they don’t always find themselves filtering through these emotions in the best of ways. They will use the facts of the situation, rather than expressing their true inner feelings. They will lay things out and show that they aren’t okay with having this loved one do the things which have hurt them, but might not say it is because their feelings are hurt but rather because it goes against their boundaries and sense of morals. They might not express their inner emotions about the situation and the fact that it actually hurt them deeply. This is why it can be harder for the INTJ to express when someone has hurt them by something they say, rather than something they do and can tangibly measure the slight. When it comes to someone doing something small or just saying something which hurts the INTJs feelings, they might not really process this the same way or find it easy to express their feelings were actually hurt. Instead they are likely to bottle it up and move on, not really seeing it as something they should open up about, especially if they know the other person did not intend to upset them.

How to Deal

For the INTJ being direct and honest is always the best policy, but it can be harder when they have certain emotions they haven’t processed enough to express them. When someone hurts their feelings, they might benefit from writing down what they are thinking and feeling. Seeing it down on paper and being able to sift through everything, can help them get a more tangible grasp on what is going through their hearts and minds. INTJs aren’t always great at expressing their own emotions, and so it can be hard to really figure out why they feel so hurt by this person. When they care for someone they care deeply, and so this can actually make it more likely for them to get hurt by these people close to them. They actually do care about how their loved ones see them, and so when they are hurt it might actually surprise the INTJ and everyone else. They try to be practical about these things, not wanting to appear dramatic or emotional. While it can make the INTJ more rational about most situations, it is still important to process and understand these emotions in order to properly move forward.

INTJs are not afraid of being honest when they care for someone, they simply don’t always find it easy to be honest with themselves when it comes to their feelings. They are good at analyzing a situation and they know when someone actually betrays them, but when it comes to smaller things which they feel shouldn’t bother them, the INTJ can struggle to really accept that their feelings are hurt. Over time they can become better at processing those emotions, and finding ways to express them to their loved ones in a way which doesn’t feel foolish to them. 


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