INFJ Broken Trust: Dealing with Trust Issues as an INFJ

Having trust betrayed can be a truly painful experience, since it isn’t always easy to give for some people. Trusting in someone means believing in their sincerity and allowing yourself to open up to the change of being hurt by them. Having someone you care for and love break that trust, can be rather detrimental to the relationship. For some people it is possible to rebuild, for others it is almost a given that they will not be able to repair a relationship when the trust has been broken. This can sometimes be connected to personality types, as some types have a harder time really trusting people and being vulnerable around them. Understanding how each type responds to trusting others and having that betrayed, can help to understand them better and how to communicate with them as well.

INFJs do struggle when it comes to trusting others, and can have a hard time really letting people in. It takes a long time for them to peel back those INFJ layers and expose who they are to someone. They want to be able to connect with people but it can be hard to really open up and let others in. For the INFJ it takes time to feel like they can trust someone completely, which is why it requires the right people who are willing to be patient with them. INFJs struggle to trust since they can be hurt by their loved ones easily, and they don’t want to feel a sense of rejection when they give someone the chance to see who they truly are. Because of this having their trust broken can be rather overwhelming for them, and might be hard to really repair.

INFJ Trust Issues

INFJs can certainly struggle with trust issues, especially if they have been hurt in the past. Being such a rare type can cause them to feel misunderstood by most people they encounter, which causes the INFJ to build up these walls. Feeling hurt by people when they open up and feeling a sense of rejection for being who they are, makes it hard for the INFJ to want to continue to really trust in others. It isn’t necessarily something they consciously or intentionally do, it just happens as they get older. Witnessing people hurting each other and taking advantage of trust, makes it hard for the INFJ to feel safe really relying on other people. They struggle to trust in someone until they feel like that person is truly worthy of their trust and vulnerability. 

While INFJs struggle with trusting others, this doesn’t remove their sense of compassion and empathy at all. They might not be comfortable trusting or being vulnerable around someone, but that doesn’t make the INFJ care any less. They will still be rather understanding and can connect with people on a much deeper level. They enjoy learning about others and want to be there to help them, and so most people won’t even realize that the INFJ struggles with trust issues. Their ability to connect with people and make them feel understood can make the INFJ seem somewhat open in certain social situations. In reality the INFJ has a hard time really showing all of themselves to those around them, and will keep a lot of their more personal parts hidden inside their many layers. Most of the time the INFJ really wants to find someone who they can open up to completely, but it can be a slow process.

INFJ & Broken Trust

Once the trust is truly broken for the INFJ it becomes difficult to repair this. They take such  a long time to trust in someone and open up, and having this betrayed can be rather painful for them. This type of setback can cause the INFJ to feel like they have made a mistake in trusting that person, and can feel like they need to build up those walls once again. When the INFJ truly loves someone they are likely to give that person many chances to make things right or make amends for their mistakes. The INFJ can understand where people are imperfect and won’t be constantly hard on the smallest of mistakes. It takes certain major betrayals for the INFJ to feel as if the trust is truly broken, but once this happens it is difficult to really change this. When the INFJ decides that the trust has been destroyed and that there is no fixing it, they can door-slam that person. They shut people out and have to find a way to move on from the relationship, even though this is much harder for them to do than people realize. INFJs take a long time before they shut someone out, and when this happens it is because they see no other way to move on.

Mending Trust Issues

While struggling to really open up can be part of who the INFJ is, there are ways to improve their trust issues. One of the most important steps is to communicate more openly with the people they love. Instead of expecting their loved ones to have the same morals and boundaries, the INFJ needs to express their own needs. They can become so focused on what everyone else wants and needs, that they fail to express their own feelings and boundaries. Letting people know what kind of actions would be considered betrayals to them, can help the INFJ when it comes to avoiding broken trust. Being more open with their loved ones about what they need, can help the INFJ to let go and really give them the chance to avoid hurting them. Instead of constantly being fearful that someone is going to hurt them, the INFJ can benefit from enjoying the moment once in a while. Just experiencing the positive parts of the present, rather than focusing on how badly things could go in the future.