ENFJ Loss: How the ENFJ Copes With the Many Forms of Loss

Loss is never really enjoyable to endure, even for those who can cope well with it. Having to deal with losing something or someone can be one of the most painful experiences. There are many different kinds of losses we can experience in life, sometimes this is death, other times it is simply a change which forces us to losing something meaningful. Whether it be a small loss or something major, experiencing letting go of something which was so important to you can be truly painful and for some it is overwhelming. Each person has their own way of processing these feelings, for some the idea of letting go hits them much harder and for others it is something they seem to handle much better.

ENFJs are compassionate and giving people, but this can make it harder for them to process their own emotions. Since ENFJs become so focused on tending to the needs and emotions of others, they can neglect their own inner feelings and struggles. They don’t find it easy or natural to really focus on their own feelings and so sometimes they can struggle to process or understand them. When the ENFJ experiences a great loss in their lives, it can be rather difficult for them to process or cope with these feelings. The ENFJ doesn’t always know how to keep moving forward, instead they might struggle to find the right ways to properly heal from what they are going through.

Accepting Loss

Accepting the loss is actually a difficult challenge for ENFJs, as they might be in denial about this for a while. They have this inner desire to fix things or find a way to always make them better. When they lose something or someone important, their minds try to find ways to get back whatever they have lost. They might not know how to fully accept it and instead will bargain and search for ways to make things right again. Losing something or someone they love is not easy for the ENFJ, and is often one of their greatest fears in life. Loss is something ENFJs try hard to avoid, which is why they can actually be high-stress individuals. Since they want so desperately to avoid loss, they are constantly trying to figure out ways to take care of everyone and keep them close and safe. This is why ENFJs can struggle to move on from a bad relationship, even when they know that things can’t really be mended. Letting go is not easy for them and they often try to avoid change when they can.

For the ENFJ acceptance is one of the hardest parts, and so it often takes a while before they can fully accept their loss. When they do reach that point it becomes easily for the ENFJ to move forward and let go, especially if it is the right thing to do. Of course, letting go of relationships which are bad for them can still be hard for the ENFJ, it is much easier than letting go of someone who has passed on. For the ENFJ this type of loss is one which can be somewhat crippling at times, and they don’t always know how to cope in the healthiest of ways. They might try hard to be strong for everyone, appearing as if they have accepted things and can continue moving forward. What the ENFJ experiences on the inside is often much different than what they allow others to see on the outside.

Their Process

At first the ENFJ might focus on trying to fix the problem or take care of everyone around them. Tending to the emotions and needs of others is much more natural for the ENFJ than focusing on themselves. If the loss is something which allows them to pick up the pieces around them, they will focus on these more practical functions. Tending to the needs of others is something which can serve as a distraction for the ENFJ, especially if they are struggling internally. While the ENFJ might put on a strong face and make it appear as if they are fine, they often need more time alone when they are experiencing a great loss. When they are alone this is when they are more likely to become introspective, and even spend time wallowing in these feelings. ENFJs definitely take any kind of loss hard, and might blame themselves when something doesn’t go as planned. When they lose someone or something important, the ENFJ does have a tendency to feel guilty and finds ways of blaming themselves even when they shouldn’t. They always want to find a way to fix things and fix the people around them, and feel guilty if they cannot do this.

It takes a long time before ENFJs can really feel safe sharing their feelings with people, since they don’t want to feel like a burden. Expressing their inner emotions just isn’t easy or natural, and so they often need companions who can force them to do this. Having someone who makes them feel safe enough to really express their feelings is important for the ENFJ in order to heal. They have a hard time reaching this point, since they never want to feel like they are letting people down and don’t want to burden them with their emotions.

Moving On

ENFJs might appear like they can move on, but on the inside it is not quite so easy. They try to keep moving forward and will continue taking care of people and their responsibilities. When the ENFJ loses someone important, letting go is truly painful and not something they do easily. Most of the time ENFJ will carry this pain inside for a very long time, and struggle to find ways to heal and move on properly. They don’t know how to fully accept those emotions, and struggle to really feel safe enough to express them to those around them.

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