INTJ Intimacy: How the INTJ Feels About Intimate Relationships
While many people long for the feelings attached to intimacy, not everyone is all that comfortable with opening themselves up and being vulnerable in the way true intimacy often requires. For some it often feels easier to remain detached, and even distant when it comes to close relationships. They would rather keep people at a bit of a distance, never feeling safe allowing themselves to be fully intimate with them. For others this is the opposite of how they live their lives, and so they are always searching for some sort of intimacy and true deep connection with the people in their lives. This can sometimes be attributed to personality types, as certain types are more drawn to the idea of intimacy than others.
INTJs are naturally independent people, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care for a certain level of intimacy with another person. INTJs are not people who crave connection so much that they will abandon all sense of reason and find themselves connecting with the wrong person. They would rather wait to find people who they feel a real closeness to, people who are special to them and they can see a real relationship with. For the INTJ it is often just about time and patience before they can open up fully to someone and find themselves reaching that level of intimacy. They might appear cold or distant on the surface, but their close connections means so much to them and they take these commitments seriously once they enter into them. This is why they don’t often rush into intimacy with someone and would rather take their time.
Being that INTJs are introverts they need plenty of time alone and to themselves. Having their space and independence is important to them, but that doesn’t suddenly take away from their ability to be intimate with someone. What the INTJ craves is often a type of intimacy which allows them to feel close to someone even when they aren’t physically together. They would much rather be able to think of this person and miss them, and this actually makes them feel closer. INTJs don’t need to constantly chat with someone or interact in order to feel a real connection with them. This is something which goes beyond the surface, and is often what they truly crave when it comes to intimacy. For the INTJ feeling that type of connection and intimacy when they are apart, actually makes them care for someone more. They want a bond which can go beyond just being with someone physically, something which can withstand distance or time apart. This helps them to feel truly connected and for the INTJ this is a much more rewarding type of relationship. For some it might seem strange, but intimacy is definitely about feeling close to someone and safe with that connection, and this is what the INTJ wants from their partner.
For the INTJ reaching a certain level of emotional intimacy is a process, and something which requires time and patience. They cannot simply open themselves up to someone without time and they want to be sure before really letting themselves be vulnerable. For the INTJ it isn’t easy to really feel open with someone and share themselves, and so it does require people who are willing to be patient with them. When they care for someone deeply they do want to be intimate and close with them, it just isn’t something which happens overnight. They don’t like the idea of feeling truly connected to someone unless it is a bond which is going to last. For the INTJ really letting someone in means committing to that person, not just doing it because it feels good in the moment. They want to know that if they are going to give someone true emotional intimacy, that person isn’t going to abandon them or what they have together. Because of this the INTJ can be hesitant at first, and wants to be sure they are making the right choice. It might take time for them to reach the level of emotional intimacy that their loved ones want, but they are often more willing to get there than people realize. So long as they have someone who gives them space and doesn’t try to force them into opening up to them, then the INTJ can certainly feel safe with emotional intimacy. INTJs might be viewed as cold people on the outside, but this comes from not really knowing who they are inside. When they care for someone they do a lot for them, and this is something which they value deeply.
What Holds Them Back
INTJs can be reserved or catious people, especially when it comes to relationships. True intimacy can make them feel uneasy at first, since they don’t like the idea of being vulnerable or losing some control. They have likely endured being around people who judge them for their differences, or who don’t understand them and who they truly are. INTJs have encountered plenty of people who see them as cold or emotionless simply because they don’t express things in an emotional manner, and this can certainly make it hard to be vulnerable or intimate with someone else. INTJs also don’t believe in really connecting with or opening up to someone unless they trust that person and can commit to a lifelong friendship or relationship with them. This is why they need people who are patient and willing to give them time to really be sure of things. INTJs do want to have people they can build lasting relationships with, which is why they don’t just jump into things headfirst. The INTJ wants to be sure before they allow themselves to open up to someone and reach that level of intimacy. They can be held back when it comes to trying to be logical about the situation so they can maintain a sense of control. Ultimately the INTJ approaches things from a place of logic and reason, but that does not make them incapable of being truly intimate with someone they care for.
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