Written By Kirsten Moodie
Here’s How Long You Hold a Grudge, According to Your Personality Type
While some people try to let things go, others can hold onto their emotions for a long time. Here is how long you can hold a grudge, based on your personality type.
For INFJs it can be a little more complex than simply holding a grudge, since they can be a bit all or nothing with relationships. The INFJ will forgive many transgressions and continue to support their loved ones even when they make mistakes. They will go on for a long time trying to give people more chances to change, until they finally become fed up with their actions. Once the INFJ has reached their breaking point they will shut this person out of their life for good. This is almost always a permanent thing and is simply done to prevent themselves from getting hurt or used once again. In some ways this means INFJs can hold a grudge forever, but it is a bit more complicated than that.
ENFJs can sometimes hold a grudge, especially if they have no choice but to see someone they dislike. They try to be cordial and don’t want to do anything that might be viewed as rude or inappropriate. When ENFJs are trying to get along with someone they will want to push their own feelings aside, but this can only continue for so long. ENFJs can certainly hold a grudge for a long time, even forever if the person’s actions have been bad enough. When they are upset with someone it is because they have wronged them on a deep and very serious level, and not for simply petty things.
INFPs don’t enjoy letting grudges weigh them down, but sometimes they can struggle to let things go. They will often try and move forward when they are upset, but their feelings might come out in passive aggressive ways. The INFP will likely make underhanded comments as a way of expressing their feelings towards someone, and these often slip out accidentally. INFPs can hold grudges though, especially if someone has truly wronged them or their loved ones. They will likely cut that person out of their life completely though, and try to find a way to move on from them.
ENFPs try not to hold grudges, and would rather let things go. They can become very angry with someone, but they dislike harboring these negative feelings for a long time. ENFPs can hold tiny grudges, and might express their internal frustrations in passive aggressive ways. They can hold some resentment when someone says or does something that hurts their feelings, even though they don’t intend to. ENFPs try to let things go and don’t want to hold onto negativity or anger. While they don’t try to hold grudges, they can sometimes hold small feelings of resentment.
INTJs don’t want to be bogged down with negative connections, and will cut people from their lives if it is necessary. When they realize that someone is not completely loyal or worth their time, the INTJ will cut them from their life and this will become a permanent thing. This is done for very logical reasons, since INTJs only want people around them who they can trust and connect with on a deeper level. They can hold grudges in some ways, but it is for good reason and rarely because of an emotional response.
ENTJs value loyalty very much and only want to have people in their lives who they can trust and rely on. When the ENTJs trust has been lost, this is something that is nearly impossible to regain. This can make it seem like they harbor grudges for a rather long time, but it comes from a much more logical standpoint. They do become rather hurt though, especially when they have chosen to give someone their trust and loyalty. ENTJs can hold grudges forever if it seems necessary, and will do what it takes to prevent another betrayal.
INTPs try not to hold grudges, and would rather find ways to resolve the issues. While they don’t enjoy holding grudges against someone, INTPs can often bury their own emotions and avoid dealing with them. When the INTP does bottle up their feelings they might find themselves holding a grudge that they don’t even realize they are harboring. This can cause them to feel frustrated towards someone without that person fully understanding why. INTPs do best when they process their emotions and try and find ways to resolve their frustrations towards someone.
ENTPs try not to hold grudges because they don’t want to feel held back or blocked up by these feelings. They would rather move forward and try to let go of those negative emotions. While ENTPs might not harbor grudges, they won’t forget what someone has done to wrong them. They will likely try to avoid this person entirely, or will simply no longer trust them. ENTPs would rather find ways to resolve their anger, even if that means putting someone in their place.
ISTJs can definitely hold a grudge if someone has wronged them deeply. They do try to avoid holding onto things though, and will likely just remove this person from their lives. ISTJs don’t trust easily and if that is betrayed they will not take it lightly. ISTJs can definitely hold onto their grudges for a while, at least until that person truly makes amends.
ESTJs can definitely hold a grudge, especially if someone doesn’t try to make amends. They want to forgive others though, especially if it helps them be a part of the community. They don’t enjoy burning bridges and would rather maintain those connections. When someone apologizes and tries to be kind to the ESTJ, they will certainly attempt to let go of those past negative emotions. They might not ever trust that person again though, even if they appear to have forgiven them.
ISFJs don’t enjoy holding onto negative emotions, but they can hold a grudge in certain situations. When someone hurts their loved ones or has wronged them in a serious way, the ISFJ will have a hard time letting go. They can harbor a grudge for a rather long time though, and it will take a lot for them to forgive. ISFJs will eventually let go though, especially if that person tries to make amends and seems sincere.
ESFJs try not to harbor grudges for a long time and prefer to let things go. When they truly care about someone they want to find ways to forgive. While ESFJs certainly don’t enjoy holding grudges, they can do this inadvertently sometimes. They will bury their negative emotions and will have those feelings sneak up on them when they least expect this. This can leave the ESFJ feeling angry towards someone without fully realizing why. They can hold onto these grudges for a long time if they don’t actually face those feelings.
ISTPs don’t enjoy holding grudges and would much rather let go of things. They dislike dwelling on the past and don’t want to let those things hold them back. ISTPs want to enjoy the present moment without feeling constantly weighed down by harboring negative emotions towards someone. They might not trust an individual who has betrayed them in some way, but they don’t need to constantly hold onto some childish grudge against them.
ESTPs can hold a grudge for a long time, but this usually means they still care about that person to some extent. When the ESTP doesn’t care any longer, that is when they will let go of their grudge. They simply become frustrated when they feel like they have been wronged and don’t want to let it slide. ESTPs care about their loved ones and it can be difficult for them to trust people fully. When they do give their trust the ESTP can struggle to forgive anyone who betrays that.
ISFPs don’t enjoy grudges and would much rather live in the present. They will likely forgive when someone has wronged them, simply because it is the right thing to do. ISFPs are very moral people who strive to be the best version of themselves possible. They want to live in the moment instead of feeling caught up on negative things from the past. ISFPs rarely hold their grudges for a long time, since it really only hurts them to do so.
ESFPs try to live very much in the present moment, and dislike harboring negative emotions. They will try hard not to hold onto a grudge and strive to let go. While ESFPs will forgive their loved ones for their mistakes, there are instances where they can struggle to let go. When someone has truly betrayed the ESFP and turned their back on them, they will likely never let go of that grudge. For them it depends on how deeply the person has wronged them, since in most cases forgiveness is possible for them.
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