ENTJ Hurt Feelings: How To Deal With Emotional Wounds

Everyone has to endure getting their feelings hurt once in a while, in some instances it is more severe than others. While some people might handle this by burying those feelings and moving on, this isn’t the natural response for everyone. Being sensitive to hurt feelings isn’t something to be ashamed of, having emotions is a natural part of life. For some personality types it does seem easier to receive hurt feelings, especially from those they love. For others it seems to be harder to offend them or get underneath their skin, but that doesn’t mean it is impossible. Anyone with very human emotions is going to get hurt once in a while, whether it is from someone intentionally trying to wound or simply accidental.

ENTJs are naturally practical people, who prefer to focus on facts and being efficient. They don’t like allowing emotions to stand in their way or rule their judgement, simply because they know they aren’t always trustworthy. ENTJs believe in being in control of their actions and don’t like feeling as if they have done something without thinking about it first. This doesn’t mean they don’t feel emotions just like everyone else, quite the opposite actually. When the ENTJ does care about someone they value this immensely and can certainly get hurt by this person. They might not let people in easily, but once they do the ENTJ values their opinions and wants to be sure they make them happy.

ENTJ & Hurt Feelings

ENTJs don’t like approaching things in an emotional way, and so when their feelings are hurt they might turn analytical. The ENTJ wants to approach this from a rational point of view, instead of allowing the emotions to control their responses and opinions. Instead they try to remain calm about the situation, or even push those feelings aside in favor of what is more logical to them. If they analyze the situation and don’t see any real reason to be upset or hurt, then the ENTJ is likely to ignore those feelings and attempt to push them inside. This can be something which builds over time if they don’t deal with it though, even if they can’t logical understand why they would be upset about it. ENTJs just don’t want to focus on those feelings and be someone who is dramatic or allows feelings to cloud their judgment and way of thinking. For them it is always best to be practical and think things through, rather than just acting on whatever springs to mind. Being so focused on efficiency makes it hard for the ENTJ to give themselves the chance to really dive into their own emotions. It can also be hard for them since they don’t naturally focus on these feelings, and might feel uneasy when someone tries to force them to recognize their emotions. 

ENTJs do become more apparent of their hurt feelings when someone has clearly betrayed them. A betrayal is something that ENTJs cannot tolerate, as they believe in being loyal to the ones close to them. They want to have people around them who are honest and who do not turn their backs on one another. If someone they care does something which is a clear and obvious betrayal to them, then the ENTJ will be more conscious that they have been hurt but also focus on the logical aspects of the situation. They might not express their feelings so much as being direct about this person’s actions and why it crosses their boundaries and disrespects them. ENTJs just don’t naturally find themselves wanting to express feelings in a more emotional way, and so even in these instances they try to use facts and details even if they are feeling hurt or emotional about what has happened. This is why they can struggle when people express their feelings without using details or logical reasoning behind why they are expressing these things. For them it is easier to have something more tangible to hold onto, something they can prove or see with their own eyes rather than something which is based on inner emotions. This helps them find ways to actually solve the problems at hand, and make sure they don’t happen in the future.

How to Deal

For the ENTJ recognizing their own emotions can be something which takes time and focus. They are capable of growth and of improving their weaknesses, and often want to find ways to do this. When it comes to emotions the ENTJ simply struggles to navigate them and figure out the best way to approach their own feelings. Sometimes writing them down helps the ENTJ to process what is going on inside of their minds, and seeing it on paper gives them a more tangible idea of what is going on. It can be strange at first, especially just writing out whatever emotions or thoughts pop up, but it can be a useful tool for the ENTJ to feel more connected to something real. While ENTJs might be good at addressing their hurt feelings when they are tied to something factual, like an action which has been taken, something just based on inner emotions can be difficult. It is certainly important to process those hurt feelings, especially ones which are more severe, especially in order to move forward and grow closer to the people they love. Sometimes expressing those feelings leads to a better understanding of one another, and helps their loved ones to avoid hurting them in the future. This definitely is not easy for the ENTJ, since they would rather be practical people instead of allowing emotions to affect their relationships or their behaviors. It is still important to acknowledge those feelings to some extent, especially if it causes them to feel distant from someone they are normally close to.