Enneagram Type 9 Flirting & Dating: How to Attract Enneagram Type Nine

The Enneagram is a categorization of personality types based on how people perceive and respond to the world and information they gather, as well their own emotions. This describes 9 different enneagram or personality types, and each one possesses certain core beliefs which are what drives them. These beliefs drive each type and also can be limiting at times, which is why understanding them is so important. It isn’t meant to lock people into those weaknesses or limitations, instead it is meant to help them improve and find ways to maintain a sense of healthy balance in their lives. It also helps to gain a deeper understanding of what motivates the people around you, and helps to comprehend why they contradict themselves at times. Knowing the enneagram gives a clearer sense of these inner motivations and even fears.

Dating can be difficult at times, and so understanding your partner and how they communicate can be a great first step towards connecting better with them. While knowing someone’s enneagram cannot instantly make you closer or give you all of the answers, it can help you learn and understand their motivations a bit better. Knowing where someone is coming from can clarify certain aspects of your relationship and help you to communicate with them in ways they understand and connect to. Learning someone’s flirting and dating style can help avoid certain miscommunications, especially towards someone you truly want to grow closer to. 

Type 9 Values

The type 9 personality gains the title peacemaker because they are exactly that, they are a peaceful type who wants to get along with everyone. They care about keeping things peaceful and don’t like dealing with discord in their lives or social groups. They are naturally supportive and accepting people, who strive to avoid judgment or being cruel to others. They can sometimes be seen as too accommodating, going along with other people so that they can keep the peace. They don’t only seek out external peace, but want to find this internally as well. They don’t like when things become shaken up too much, and prefer to bring people together and find ways of avoiding conflict. Their biggest goal is simply to find harmony within themselves and the world around them, which can make them amazing at bringing people together. They can find common ground when it is needed and work to bring groups together and help them get along. This makes them skilled at being mediators or counselors, since they naturally know how to ease tensions and make people comfortable around them. This is something which often begins at childhood, nines knowing naturally how to get along with everyone without causing tension or being disliked by anyone.

Type 9 Flirting Style

Nine’s often flirt by showing that they are there for the person they care about. They give their support and will do just about anything to make them happy or see them smile. They are patient people, and will want to spend time listening to their partner, giving them their full attention and pushing everything else aside. They are people-pleasers, which means they will go above and beyond in order to make the person they are attracted to happy. They want to find a way to impress and please them, often diving into their interests and making them their own interests as well. They are often generous towards this person, but their flirting style might not be openly noticed. Some type 9 individuals can be more outgoing and will express their interest by being obvious and connecting with them as best they can. Others might be a bit shy when it comes to flirting, and so they will utilize common interests as a means of getting close to the person they are attracted to. They are peacemakers so they don’t like to shake things up too much, but their comforting nature is something which often attracts people to them. They often use body language as a means of flirting and showing interest in someone, and so being able to pick up on this is important.

Type 9 Attraction

The type 9 personality is often drawn to people who make them feel at ease as well. They are constantly seeking ways to bring a sense of comfort and peace in their environment, and they crave someone who does this for them. They want a partner who is supportive and who actually listens to them when they speak. They spend a lot of time listening to others, and they really crave having this in return. They are attracted to someone who is patient and who is capable of anticipating their needs. Someone who actually pays attention, since Nine’s can struggle to ask for the things they want from others. They are people-pleasers and because of this they often neglect their own inner emotions and desires. They need a partner who is capable of asking them what they want, without making them feel guilty for this. They are most attracted to someone who makes them feel heard and valued, someone who is capable of understanding who they are and what they want.

They are also drawn to a partner who can be warm and compassionate towards, and rarely like being around people who are cold or distant. Someone who is self-assured is often much more appealing to them. A partner who is capable of taking charge when need be, but who gives the 9 the opportunity to figure out what they need and want.

Things to Avoid

It is important to avoid being cold or distant with the type 9 individual. They will become hurt around someone who is constantly playing games or seems aloof with them. Being ignored makes them feel like they don’t matter, and so they need to feel that constant reassurance. Someone who doesn’t take the time to check up on them, is going to make a type 9 individual rather unhappy in their relationship.


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