INFP Intimacy: How the INFP Feels About Intimate Relationships
While many people long for the feelings attached to intimacy, not everyone is all that comfortable with opening themselves up and being vulnerable in the way true intimacy often requires. For some it often feels easier to remain detached, and even distant when it comes to close relationships. They would rather keep people at a bit of a distance, never feeling safe allowing themselves to be fully intimate with them. For others this is the opposite of how they live their lives, and so they are always searching for some sort of intimacy and true deep connection with the people in their lives. This can sometimes be attributed to personality types, as certain types are more drawn to the idea of intimacy than others.
INFPs often crave intimacy on a deep and meaningful level, from all of the people they draw closest to in life. While they might not always find it easy to open up to others, once the INFP does reach this point then they definitely have a deep desire to be sincerely intimate with someone they love. INFPs don’t like feeling distant from people, and can become sad when they feel this type of loneliness. While they might be introverts, this doesn’t mean they want to be lonely or disconnected from feeling truly close to someone special. Instead the INFP is often quite the opposite, especially when they have people in their lives they love. Anything which is shallow and lacks deeper layers, is not all that appealing for the INFP and the same goes for friendships and relationships.
INFPs do need plenty of time alone, but that doesn’t mean they lack the desire to be truly intimate with someone. For them intimacy doesn’t mean always being in the same space as someone else, instead it means having a closeness and connection which remains even in distance. INFPs might need to spend a lot of time in silence or by themselves, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t feel connected to the people they love when they are alone. INFPs often think about those special people constantly, especially when they are enjoying this time to themselves. Their minds are still going over all of their favorite things about those people, and imagining what it will be like when they see them again (even if that is in a short time). Being an introvert doesn’t mean they lack intimacy, quite the opposite, they often crave this on a deep and meaningful level. Being alone gives them more time to process those strong feelings and can even grow their connection and that feeling of closeness.
INFPs also enjoy having this “alone time” while they are still physically close to someone. The idea is that they get to sit in silence, processing their thoughts or doing something on their own. Whether this means reading a book, writing in a journal, or just watching a TV show. For the INFP this helps them remain inside their thoughts without having to hold a conversation, but being physically close to that special person while this happens can feel really enjoyable for the INFP. This can be confusing to some people, and hard for those who enjoy constantly chatting. For the INFP to feel that true connection and intimacy they need others to appreciate this need for silence and alone time, while still remaining emotionally connected. They can feel intimate with someone without having to constantly be chatting with them or be invading their space all of the time.
INFPs can be nervous about opening up, but this is still something they crave and desire very deeply. They want to feel that sense of intimacy and closeness with someone special, and are willing to wait to find the right people to connect with this way. They want the type of intimacy which allows them to be themselves without reservation, and to open themselves up entirely. INFPs have so much going on inside of them, and plenty of love to give, and they just want people around them to appreciate them for who they are. They can feel different from the norm, never really feeling as if they fit in with most people or in most places. INFPs just want to find someone who can see beyond the surface, and who wants to take the time to understand who they are on the inside. This is something the INFP desires deeply, but it can be hard for them to feel safe enough to drop down their walls. They want emotional intimacy which allows them to feel safe with someone, and gives them that sense of freedom in their relationships.
What Holds Them Back
INFPs can struggle with feeling vulnerable, since they have likely encountered rejection when they open up too much. Being someone who feels things so deeply and can be rather sensitive, can make them hesitate when it comes to opening up. While the INFP wants to be intimate with someone, they also don’t want to get hurt like they probably have in the past. They can learn from a young age that people struggle to understand them and the way they respond to the world around them. Their sensitivities are not a weakness, but the INFP often feels like they are when they are younger. This is something which can hold them back from being truly intimate, their subconscious forcing them to protect themselves and build up walls. This is why self-reflection is so important for the INFP, since they can eventually learn how to let down those barriers and truly open up to being intimate with someone they trust. When they find the right person who is understanding and patient, the INFP can really shine. They have so much to offer and they want to be able to connect with people who see this, and who don’t judge them for their differences or the times when they are emotionally sensitive.