INFJ Intimacy: How the INFJ Feels About Intimate Relationships
While many people long for the feelings attached to intimacy, not everyone is all that comfortable with opening themselves up and being vulnerable in the way true intimacy often requires. For some it often feels easier to remain detached, and even distant when it comes to close relationships. They would rather keep people at a bit of a distance, never feeling safe allowing themselves to be fully intimate with them. For others this is the opposite of how they live their lives, and so they are always searching for some sort of intimacy and true deep connection with the people in their lives. This can sometimes be attributed to personality types, as certain types are more drawn to the idea of intimacy than others.
INFJs definitely have a deep desire for true intimacy, but they can also be wary of it as well. This is something which can become rather complex for them, as INFJs have a tendency to contradict themselves in some ways. They might find themselves wanting something, but do everything they can to push it away and avoid it. This is because they become fearful of being vulnerable and having people reject them and who they truly are. This makes the INFJ crave that intimacy, but also hesitate to really open up to it. It can certainly be something which creates tension and unhappiness in their lives, since they want to find people who they can connect with and trust in ways which are hard and can be painful for them.
For the INFJ being an introvert means they really need a lot of time alone, and time to process everything inside of their minds. This doesn’t mean they want to truly be distant from people, it is quite the opposite, actually. When the INFJ is alone inside of their own minds, they are often thinking about the people who they love and care for. This time alone can bring them closer to those connections, since they spend time truly processing their feelings for them and it makes the INFJ feel a sense of closeness even when they are apart. Intimacy is not something which requires constantly being physically around someone, and for the INFJ it goes further beyond that. They can still feel close and intimate with someone, even when they aren’t touching or even in the same room. They want a type of intimacy which can exist between themselves and someone, without needing to be around them all of the time. For the INFJ it is just as rewarding to feel that connection from a distance, and it makes reuniting all the more special. They want to have a type of bond which can go beyond the surface, and so the type of intimacy they want is something they can maintain outside of physical closeness. Something which withstands their need for alone time and can even draw them closer during this time apart.
INFJs definitely do crave a deep emotional connection, and this is why they want intimacy so much. It is something they think about fairly often and consider if they can ever find or grab hold of a truly intimate connection. INFJs spend so much time thinking things through and analyzing, that they can cause themselves to doubt whether or not this is an option for them. They become stressed about the idea of opening up to someone and having their heartbroken in the process. When the INFJ does find someone they can be truly intimate with, this is something they can become somewhat possessive of. They don’t want to lose this bond and want to find a way to nurture it and ensure that they can keep it. They want to find a way to be themselves fully with someone else, even if that can be a bit scary at times. They want to be able to open up and show the parts of themselves they keep inside, which is often quite a lot. INFJs have layers to their personality, which is often to protect themselves but it also part of who they are. Their thoughts and emotions run deep, and even they can have parts of themselves which are deep within and they aren’t fully aware of. Feeling that type of connection which allows them to be themselves completely without fear, is definitely something the INFJ wants and desires. They want to feel safe sharing who they are and what they think with others, it just takes a while for them to reach this point with another person. Intimacy is something the INFJ is searching for, but is also somewhat afraid of finding it.
What Holds Them Back
For the INFJ the desire to find true intimacy is often strong, but they can suppress this or be fearful of it. INFJs have likely endured being rejected for their differences, and this makes them hesitant to experience this again. They want to find a way to avoid rejection or feeling abandoned by someone, and so opening up is not easy for them at all. They can be hesitant when they feel themselves growing closer to someone, and might put up more walls. Deep down the INFJ wants someone who is going to combat this and try to push past those walls in order to get closer to them. What holds them back is the fear of getting truly heartbroken, and so they have a hard time finding the balance. INFJs can certainly be capable of opening up, especially when they start to trust someone and feel safe around them. They need a person who is patient with them and who doesn’t make them feel bad for being different. Once they start to feel that type of connection it becomes much easier for them to let down those walls and achieve the type of intimacy they really want.