The First Day After Getting Dumped

They left you when you least expected it. Maybe you had doubts, but you didn’t want to believe somebody so wonderful as them could ever break your heart like they did. Now you’re left alone picking up the pieces – and most confusing of all, they seem fine.

A lot of advice you’ll see will try to encourage you to try to look at the breakup constructively and try to learn from it. Maybe one day. Today, you don’t need that. You need to not think about this at all. I’ve been on the bad end of a breakup and trust me when I say I know how you feel. You may want to call them and try to win them back – one more desperate plea for your love. You might just want a better explanation. You’re stuck wondering how you could possibly meet someone as perfect as they were or anyone at all. A weight is pressing down on your chest and you don’t know how to make it go away. The cold sweat won’t stop pouring down your face. How are you going to make it through today? How can you go on without them? Right now this might seem like the worst day of your life, but you can – and will – be able to make it through.

Having Pride in Yourself

Read this very carefully – do not contact them. Do not make a plea for how you feel. Do not desperately apologize to them over a long Facebook message. Do not text them over and over again demanding an explanation. You might think that actions like these can save or salvage the relationship, but instead they make you look desperate, pathetic, and clingy. You want your ex to think that you are cool, calm, collected, and able to move on – even if inside you are a train wreck. Avoid any contact with them in the foreseeable future. Delete their number. Block them from your e-mail, Facebook, and Twitter. If you agreed to be friends with them when they broke up with you (which is an entirely different beast), you just changed your mind. Continued contact with your ex will not allow you to move on to different (and yes, better) people. You don’t want that to be you. Forget about any gifts you have given them.

I command you to trash anything of emotional value the two of you shared. Those lovely framed pictures of you two at the park on the wall? Toss them. That adorable stuffed animal from the carnival you both won? Take it to the Salvation Army. A cute love letter where they told you they’d be with you forever? Burn it. This includes deleting, untagging, or otherwise removing pictures of you two together from your Facebook or Twitter. Get rid of them now – you don’t want to be reminded day in and day out of the ‘happy’ times. For the first month or two, you need to think as little as possible about this relationship. Moving on, for the time being, does require some forgetting.

 

Dealing With Your Emotions After Being Dumped

Today, deal with your emotions constructively. Get mad. Be furious. Be hurt, sad, sorry, lonely, or however you want to feel, but do it now. Don’t do anything stupid or irrational, but let the emotions out if you feel the need. You gave them months, maybe even years of your life. Assuming you aren’t some abusive or cheating psychopath, don’t ask yourself where you went wrong. You did not deserve to get dumped after all you did for them. As far as you should be concerned, they lost out on you. While I am not one to encourage hatred, on days like these you need to get whatever emotions are in your system out of you so that you can get back to your life.

 

Finally, and if you follow any of the advice here follow this, start calling your friends and make plans with them. You need some support. Go chill at the bar and have a couple of drinks (drive safe!). Go play PS3 at your buddy’s house. Go see a movie. Do anything you can to get your mind off of this situation. Your friends will help you through this in the coming weeks. Start building that support network now, and start moving on.

 

Everyone gets dumped. It’s a part of life. I promise you that it will get better – this is all coming from personal experience. About five years back, the girl I was dating suddenly broke up with me, seemingly out of nowhere. I thought we were happy and was shocked. At first, it seemed like the world was ending. I thought I was going to marry her. She never gave me a great explanation and I was confused for weeks. I remember telling my friends that she was perfect for me and that every relationship after her wouldn’t be nearly as good. I was sick for five days after it happened and certain that my life was incomplete without her.

Many years and broken hearts later, the memories of how I was make me chuckle. There were better people for me out there, and I found them. Life is certainly a learning experience, but getting broken and reattaching every piece of myself made me stronger. I used the experience to start making changes. I refused to let her have power over me. Somewhere along the line, I knocked her off of that pesky pedestal in my brain. When I look back now, I can’t for the life of me what I ever saw in her. As you read this, you may want to disagree. “But she was so amazing!” Even if I could have traveled back in time and talked to my past self, I’d have been in denial then. For a week or two, you’re going to be a bit irrational. We all are from time to time.

 

So take a deep breath and head outside after you’ve taken care of all the emotions. Talk to the people you need. Life will go on, and though it may not be great right now, there is plenty to look forward