Written By Kirsten Moodie
How Each Myers-Briggs Type Responds to the Love Languages
The Five Love Languages is a book written by Gary Chapman, that describes the different ways in which we give and receive love. These Love Languages include, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Gifts and Quality Time. For a deeper understanding of these languages, take a closer look at our article written about them.
Each Myers-Briggs type is likely to show and receive love in their own unique ways, so we decided to dive into which love languages each type is most likely to prefer.
INFJs often respond most to Quality Time- which simply means time spent soaking in the presence of their partner. During this time they find it is important to be focused on each other, and not their surroundings. To an INFJ just spending time with someone, without distractions- is a great way for them to feel loved and appreciated. Setting aside time for them, shows that they are important to their loved ones.
Physical Touch is something that can go either way for INFJs, and is not as easy to pinpoint. Some INFJs find that they enjoy being touched by their romantic partner as a way to show their affection, but will likely dislike being touched by most other people. There are some INFJs that struggle with trust, and because of this physical touch is a difficult thing for them to get used to. Once they are open to it however, it a great way for the INFJ to feel comforted and loved.
INFJs often do not care much about gift giving, but can understand if that is someone else’s way of showing love. They simply do not focus much on materialistic things when it comes to intimate relationships. They want deep and sincere connections with people, and spending money just doesn’t seem to be a good way to express ones love.
ENFJs are often very focused on Quality Time, and appreciate when someone can make time for them. This also translates into how they show someone else that they care, since they are often very busy people. If the ENFJ can set aside time for you, it means that they sincerely care. They will also show that they care by committing Acts of Service. For an ENFJ, taking on tasks in order to ease someone else’s stress, is an important way to express that they truly care for them. It might not be how they want to receive love, but it is often a way for them to express their own feelings. They will usually attempt to find out which love languages will be best for their partner (without even knowing what the love languages are)- ENFJs are highly interested in understanding others. They will naturally search out the best way to make their partner happy.
ENFJs are also prone to enjoying physical touch as a way to receive and give love. If they are in a romantic relationship, ENFJs enjoy being able to touch and cuddle with their loved one. They feel safe and connected to them when they are constantly touching.
INFPs can be tricky when it comes to expressing affection, since their love language is something very personal to them. It is very important for INFPs to receive the right amount of quality time from their loved ones, since they want to be made a priority in romantic relationships. If the INFP feels like their partner is not available to them, they will often feel like they are not important in their lives. They are also more likely to enjoy Words of Affirmation, since positive reinforcement makes them feel reassured and loved. They might appear nervous about these compliments at first, but if they are sincere the INFP will deeply enjoy hearing them.
Physical Touch is interesting for INFPs, since they often prefer having their own space. They might go long periods of time without wanting to be touched at all, but then realize they are in desperate need of human contact. This simply takes time and patience, and requires a partner who understands the INFPs unique ways. A big part of their desire to be touched, comes from just how deeply they trust someone.
ENFPs are often very drawn to Physical Touch as a way to receive affection from their romantic partner. They might not enjoy being touched by strangers, but will greatly appreciated it from the person they are dating or in love with. Simply having someone touch their arm, or give them a kiss on the cheek- makes the ENFP realize that they are loved by this person. They feel closer and more at ease with a partner who enjoy showing them physical affection. They also don’t mind receiving the occasional compliment and verbal reassurance, it helps them to realize what their partner is thinking and feeling.
Although ENFPs might not have Acts of Service as their highest love language, they do often use it to show their partner that they care. Taking time to perform a chore or task for the person they are with, is a big deal for the ENFP. It means that they truly care, and are trying to lighten the burden for their partner.
INTJs often appreciate Quality Time, especially if the person enjoys being in their presence. Knowing that someone wants to take time out of their day just to spend with them, is something that will make the INTJ happy. They might also enjoy sincere Words of Affirmation, but only if they know the person means what they are saying. Words that are simply said to pander or inflate the INTJs ego, won’t make them happy. They want to know that their romantic partner is saying these things from their heart, and that they mean it. They will certainly appreciate a well thought out compliment, especially if it makes sense to them.
INTJs often will be able to appreciate someone’s efforts, even if it isn’t their preferred love language. Just seeing the person they care for, attempting to make the INTJ happy and share themselves with them- will go a long way. They are intelligent and logical people, and will work to understand their loved ones.
ENTJs often favor Words of Affirmation as their main love language. They enjoy hearing their partner’s sincere thoughts and feelings, and will truly appreciate this expression. They don’t want to hear fake and over emotional words, but simply want to hear well thought out and honest statements. ENTJs also enjoy Quality Time, especially since it is difficult for them to set aside time out of their schedules. If someone makes time for them, they will certainly appreciate this time and will not take it for granted.
ENTJs often enjoy when someone expresses their feelings towards them in a sincere way, no matter what their love language is. They are intelligent enough to realize that the person they are with, is making a conscious effort to please the ENTJ.
INTPs enjoy keeping to themselves most of the time, and might struggle to express their feelings towards others- especially someone they are romantically interested in. INTPs aren’t always great with Words of Affirmation, because of this their most likely love language is Physical Touch. For INTPs, they find that wanting to be physically close to someone, is the perfect way to express their feelings without using words. Just being able to sit in silence, cuddled up with the one that they love- means the world to an INTP. They do enjoy hearing Words of Affirmation, but they will also struggle with accepting those most of the time. Because of this, Physical Touch is a perfect way for them to feel appreciated.
Acts of Service can also be an important love language for INTPs. They will often find ways to make their loved ones lives better, and enjoy when they return the favor. If someone takes the time to do something nice for them, the INTP will certainly notice this.
ENTPs often enjoy Words of Affirmation quite a bit, especially when they can tell that the expression is sincere. If their loved ones take the time to verbally express how they feel about the ENTP, it might even make them feel all warm and fuzzy inside. They especially enjoy hearing these positive words, if the person’s actions reflect what they are sharing with them. ENTPs are also great at expressing themselves with verbal affirmations, coupled with a few witty and sarcastic remarks of course.
ENTPs rarely enjoy gift giving as a way to show their feelings to someone. They might even find this time of expression unappealing and shallow. It does not feel like a sincere way to express your love for someone else, more like a cop out.
ISTJs often enjoy Acts of Service, and are great at expressing their love this way. They will take the time to ensure that their loved ones needs are met, and will do whatever they can to provide for them. If someone takes the time to take care of a task for the ISTJ, it will make them realize that they matter to that individual’s.
ISTJs also enjoy Quality Time, just relaxing and doing the things they enjoy with their loved ones. They are often hardworking and busy people, so sharing their downtime with their loved ones means a lot to them. Simply being able to focus on each other, without distractions, often makes the ISTJ very happy.
ESTJs enjoy receiving affection from the people they love, but they especially favor Words of Affirmation. If the people closest to them express how much they love and appreciate the ESTJ, it will make them feel truly cared for and happy. They also are likely to be very physically affection individuals, hugging and kissing the people closest to them constantly. For them it is a great way to express how they feel, without having to be too vulnerable. ESTJs are often fearful of having their affections turned way, since they have likely experienced negative responses when they express their emotions. They do not lack emotions, they simply fear having someone make them feel ashamed of those feelings. For ESTJs, it takes having someone they can truly trust in order to open up a deeper side of their personality.
ISFJs often use Acts of Service as a way to express their affection to their romantic partners, and their other loved ones. ISFJs will work hard to tend to the needs of others, and often do a great job of pleasing others in this way. To an ISFJ, taking the time to cook, clean and perform tasks for their loved ones, means that they care very deeply for them.
They likely enjoy Words of Affirmation as a way of receiving love from others. ISFJs need to hear verbally reassurance from their romantic partners, especially as a means of showing appreciation for their efforts.
Physical Touch is often an important way for ESFJs to express and feel love. They often enjoy feeling physically close to their romantic partner, and might even feel neglected or upset if the person they are with doesn’t touch them often. ESFJs also enjoy Words of Affirmation, especially if their loved ones use these words to show how much they appreciate the ESFJ.
They often express their love with Acts of Service, and will work hard to care for the needs of others. ESFJs will often attempt to figure out what makes their romantic partner happy, and will work to express their affection in whatever way fits them best.
ISTPs often enjoy Physical Touch and Quality Time the most out of the love languages. They are not the best at expressing themselves with words, they will often use touch as a way to show they care. It also means a lot to an ISTP if their loved ones carve out time to spend with them. They enjoy being alone most of the time, but when they do care for someone they want to be in their presence as well.
ISTPs are not the most openly expressive people, but they do enjoy feeling connected to their romantic partners. A mature ISTP can often figure out what their partner does to show them affection, and they will appreciate their efforts.
ESTPs truly enjoy gift giving as a way to show their loved ones that they care. Gifts are a way for the ESTP to show that they were thinking of that person while they were going about their day. If someone takes the time to pick out an item for them, it makes the ESTP feel special and important. Gifts are a physical representation of their affection, and are a great way to make others feel special too.
ESTPs especially enjoy surprise gifts, because it show that their loved ones have them in mind all of the time. It ranks up alongside Physical Touch, since the love language helps the ESTP feel connected to their romantic partners.
To an ISFP, spending Quality Time with their loved ones is extremely important. They want to know that the people they love set them as a priority- this is especially important in romantic relationships. ISFPs are often very picky about who they let into their lives, but when they do care for someone they care very deeply. They want to feel close to their loved ones, and spending plenty of time together is a big part of this.
ISFPs also enjoy Words of Affirmation, and are easily affected by what others say to them. Verbal reinforcement is extremely important to an ISFP, but they can also be deeply hurt by what their romantic partners say to them. They need to hear words of encouragement, and will truly be pained by any negative criticism.
ESFPs often will enjoy giving and receiving gifts as a way to express their affections. Something that people misunderstand about gift giving, is that it does not come from a shallow place. To an ESFP, the gift is a physical representation of their feelings for someone. When they receive a gift from their romantic partner (or anyone that they love), the ESFP can look at that item and hold it in their hands. The gift will remind them of their loved one, and the fact that they took the time to pick this special item out for them. There is nothing shallow about this love language, it comes from the fact that ESFPs are very physically oriented people. They also enjoy Physical Touch as a way to express love to the people closest to them, and are often huggers.