Enneagram Type 4 Love: How Enneagram Type Four Falls In Love

The Enneagram is a categorization of personality types based on how people perceive and respond to the world and information they gather, as well their own emotions. This describes 9 different enneagram or personality types, and each one possesses certain core beliefs which are what drives them. These beliefs drive each type and also can be limiting at times, which is why understanding them is so important. It isn’t meant to lock people into those weaknesses or limitations, instead it is meant to help them improve and find ways to maintain a sense of healthy balance in their lives. It also helps to gain a deeper understanding of what motivates the people around you, and helps to comprehend why they contradict themselves at times. Knowing the enneagram gives a clearer sense of these inner motivations and even fears.

When it comes to love and romance, understanding more about someone’s enneagram can certainly be a useful way to gauge compatibility. It can help you understand where that person is coming from and what their core values truly are. This can help uncover how to best communicate with your partner and how to find common ground. The type 4 is known as the individualist and strives to seek a sense of identity which they can outwardly express to the world. Understanding the type 4 personality is important, but also understanding how they respond in relationships and with someone romantically, is going to give you a better idea of how to communicate.

Type 4 Values

The type 4 personality tends to see themselves as different from others, wanting to develop a strong sense of identity. The idea of being normal or just like everyone else, is often seen as a bad thing to them. They want to stand apart, and can become self-conscious about this desire. They can be fearful of vulnerability, since they don’t want to be judged or seen as ordinary by others. Fours care about self-expression and being able to find beautiful ways to show the world who they are and what makes them unique. They can often struggle with the idea that no one can ever truly understand them, always feeling far too different or strange to be loved the way they want to be. This causes them to distance themselves from people at times, especially when they are feeling a constant disconnect from the world around them. While there are certain aspects which can cause them to be unhealthy, the healthy four is actually great at personal self-awareness. They can see their strengths and flaws, but this helps them to work on those problem areas and not feel so alienated because of it. For them there are few things as important as being true to themselves and what they believe in. They are happier standing out than they are simply blending into the crowd and expectations of the world.

Type 4 In Love

In love four’s can be dreamy and completely wrapped up in their emotions. When they fall for someone they often fall hard and have a desire to really immerse themselves in those feelings. They might be viewed as different but this is often because they care about connecting with their true inner feelings and don’t like to just push them aside. When it comes to romantic relationships the type 4 individual wants to really feel connected to someone, and wants to be able to share themselves completely with their partner. Feeling that type of love and romance is something which they can become very passionate about. They might have unique ways of expressing those feelings, wanting to really make the most out of their excitement. They are naturally romantic people, and so this is something which translates into their relationships. When they are in love they often want to shout this from the rooftops, not wanting to keep those feelings to themselves or hide them away. They want to make it known that they are completely enamored by this person, and they want their partner to be caught up in those emotions as well. They don’t want to have a love which is ordinary, much like everything else in their lives. They often are idealistic, searching for something which goes beyond the norm and is truly special and unique to them. 

Type 4 Relationship Struggles

Their idealistic nature can sometimes make the type 4 individual a bit tiresome in love. They become caught up in making this connection special and unique and don’t want to settle for anything else. They want to constantly surprise one another and care about keeping the spark alive. They are true romantics and want something which is special and not just something ordinary or safe. They care about being able to express their inner feelings and emotions, being completely true to themselves and their beliefs. Sometimes this stubborn side of them can be challenging in relationships, especially when they are trying to stand up for something which matters to them. They can struggle when they feel like they aren’t being understood, and might need a lot of time to themselves because of this. This can be confusing for romantic partners, especially since four’s can go from being romantic and full of love, to needing to distance themselves from the rest of the world entirely.

They truly need a partner who is sensitive to their needs and shows support. They need someone who gives them compliments and can verbally express their positive feelings towards them. Without this type of connection and understanding they can start to feel disconnected and distant from the relationship. The last thing a 4 needs is to have someone who sees them as being too sensitive, as they need to feel safe to be themselves no matter what. They can be empathetic and giving partners, they just need someone who appreciates what they have to offer and is willing to show that.


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