ENFJ Self-Awareness: The ENFJ Journey to Self-Discovery

Self-awareness is not always an easy thing to obtain, for some it seems harder than for others. Self-awareness means digging deep into your own emotions and inner thoughts, and searching to understand what is going on underneath the outer appearance. Sometimes this leads to painful memories, and recognizing certain flaws which we don’t always want to accept. Self-discovery can be a challenging journey, sometimes it is painful and other times it is very rewarding. Ultimately the struggles we endure trying to understand and accept our positive and negative traits, can be an amazing way to grow and become the best version of ourselves possible. The more people lack self-awareness, the easier it is to hurt those around us without meaning to, which is why it is so important.

ENFJs do care about self-awareness, but the process can be a challenging one for them. They are much more naturally focused on understanding others, rather than understanding themselves. For the ENFJ focusing on the emotions of those around them is a more important focus, and when they spend too much time on themselves it can cause them to feel guilty. Because they are so interested in helping others and tending to their needs, self-awareness can actually become tricky for the ENFJ. Their own feelings and desires can become blended in with the feelings of others, making it hard to really set boundaries and figure out what is important to their own inner emotions and goals.

ENFJ Emotions

ENFJs are so focused on tending to the needs of others, that they can often neglect their own needs. It is easy and natural for them to help the people around them, and becomes the main goal of the ENFJ personality. They can feel the emotions of their loved ones so strongly, and so understanding other people is something which feels right for them. They focus on trying to help people and tend to the needs of those closest to them. They care about wanting to ensure that everyone they love is happy and cared for, and feel guilty if they cannot do this. ENFJs being so naturally in touch with the feelings of others, can make it difficult for them to really spend time on themselves. This can sometimes cause them to struggle with self-awareness, at least on a deeper level. ENFJs feel a sense of guilt if they spend too much time focusing on their own needs, and want to be sure they are caring properly for others. This can make it harder for them when it comes time to actually dive into their own feelings, as they would much prefer to focus on others. ENFJs can sometimes supplement their own goals by making the wants of others feel like their own. Instead of really taking time to figure out their own desires the ENFJ can push those needs and goals aside. This makes it difficult over time for the ENFJ to really know what they want, since they have likely neglected those needs and feelings.

Some ENFJs do have their own goals that they focus more on, since they know this is important for being happy and making others happy. Even still they are likely to struggle with their own emotions at times, not wanting to go too far and seem selfish. They don’t often express their negative feelings to others, not wanting to feel like they are being a burden. This makes it hard for the ENFJ to be all that self-aware, struggling to dive into those feelings in a way which would help them understand themselves better. ENFJs strive to be perfect for their loved ones, and this desire for perfection is a bit unrealistic at times. They might even push aside their own negative behaviors or traits, not wanting anyone to recognize them. Their desire to be strong and perfect for their loved ones, is often the very thing which makes the ENFJ struggle with self-awareness. They don’t do this intentionally, it is simply something which happens because of their focus on everyone else. Of course this can end up turning unhealthy, especially as the ENFJ tries to appear as if they don’t have flaws, wanting to hide them or push them aside and continue moving forward. In order to be fully self-aware it is important to take time for introspection and to be completely honest with yourself about the imperfections you might have. 

How to Improve

For the ENFJ to become more self-aware they need to make the choice to focus on themselves and not feel guilty over this. They might struggle at first, since they are so used to focusing on those around them, but that doesn’t mean they are incapable of this. ENFJs are strong-willed and driven people, who can do anything they set their minds to. When they start to realize that being more self-aware is important for themselves and for their loved ones, they will be more comfortable with this. When they start to realize that this is better for themselves and others, the ENFJ can start to take the steps towards self-discovery. ENFJs who don’t tend to themselves will end up feeling drained and might even start to resent the people close to them. It is so important that they take a step back and give themselves time to process their feelings and their own needs. It can be a long process, but it begins with setting boundaries. The ENFJ needs to start demanding time for themselves and their own needs, and hopefully their loved ones will be more understanding than they realize. It does not always go this way, since giving people tend to attract those who are a bit more selfish. The ENFJ needs to recognize that when someone is not accepting their boundaries or needs, that is not something they should blame themselves over. It isn’t always easy to make this step, since ENFJs struggle with not wanting to let anyone down. In order to become the best version of themselves and get closer to those who truly care for them, they need to tend to their own needs as well.