ENFJ Conflict: Dealing with and Managing Conflict as an ENFJ

Conflict is simply a natural part of life, whether it is something we enjoy or not. Conflict is part of how we come to conclusions about things and sometimes how we advance in our careers or relationships. For some people, conflict is where they thrive and is certainly not something they are afraid of. These people enjoy debating and realize that sometimes conflict is how they grow and improve themselves. There are other people who become stressed with conflict, and really hate being around stressful situations. For these people criticism is difficult and exhausting, and so they would rather avoid it at all costs.

When it comes to conflict ENFJs often search for ways to come to quick resolutions. They don’t like when the peace is broken and prefer to keep things positive in their environment. For the ENFJ it is about keeping everyone around them happy, as this often feels like their own responsibility. When the situation becomes tense and conflict starts to arise, this is when the ENFJ jumps into action wanting to make it right. For some conflict is to be run from, for others it is a place to thrive, for the ENFJ it is often somewhere in the middle. They really don’t like conflict, but that doesn’t mean they don’t know how to handle it properly.

How ENFJs Respond to Conflict

For the ENFJ anything which makes people stressed or unhappy, is going to be something they want to prevent. If the conflict around them becomes heated and they can sense that others are upset, they will search for ways to make the situation better. They don’t particularly enjoy conflict, since it creates stress for people and can cause arguments where bad things are said. The ENFJ wants to avoid this at all costs and doesn’t want to see people they care for get hurt because of it. ENFJs are naturals when it comes to recognizing the emotions of others, they are also skilled at calming people down. Because they take responsibility for the happiness of others, the ENFJ will often want to stop the conflict before it continues to grow. They will likely step in and try to play mediator, wanting to find ways to calm everyone down and settle the trouble right away. ENFJs are good at this, and have a natural talent for controlling the mood of the room around them. This is because of their connection to others and how they can so easily sense what they are feeling. When things become stressed the ENFJ can often see the best way to create a sense of calm, and to make sure that everyone is much more at ease.

This is truly important to the ENFJ, since they feel like they are responsible when things go badly. They care about making others happy, especially the people they love and care for. ENFJs don’t want anyone to get hurt or upset, and so they often see conflict as a bad thing. When it could lead to someone’s feelings being hurt or everyone getting stressed, the ENFJ can easily sense that this is coming. They will try their best to be the one to calm down the situation and solve the conflict before it really starts. If they can quickly solve the problems and ensure that the conflict ends, then the ENFJ will certainly be proud and happy with this. For them it is best to stop it before it really starts, instead of allowing things to play out.

When Conflict Becomes Too Much

If the ENFJ is constantly in situations where conflict will arise, this can become emotionally exhausting for them. Since they feel the need to try and stop this or make things better, this becomes like a constant drain on their energy. ENFJs cannot simply ignore the emotions around them and when things are tense, it isn’t something they can let go of. For some people this isn’t difficult to do, but their sense of empathy makes it nearly impossible. Since the INFJ cannot simply walk away and pretend everything is fine, any environment with constant conflict is going to be too much for them. While they are likely to try and handle it for a while, it will become exhausting for them to do so. ENFJs are perfectionists who don’t like feeling as if they have failed, which is why it can be hard for them to give up on something. This will be especially challenging if they are dealing with a high conflict work environment, as they will not want to feel as if they have failed by walking away from this job.

How They Can Manage

For the ENFJ managing their own stress is something which takes a lot of time and work. They take so much on themselves that it becomes hard for them to really focus on their own needs. For the ENFJ to better manage conflict, they need to take time for themselves as well. Without recharging and focusing on their personal boundaries, the ENFJ will take everything on themselves to the point where any conflict can become overwhelming. To better handle the people around them and the many problems they need to solve, the ENFJ needs to learn how to tend to their own personal needs. They care so much about helping others that they neglect themselves and this can become unhealthy. The better they feel inside and the more emotional energy they have, the better the ENFJ can handle resolving conflicts without feeling too overwhelmed by this.

While there is some conflict which cannot be avoided, there are times when the ENFJ does need to start to learn that not all problems are their responsibility. They cannot blame themselves if some conflict is overwhelmed or if they just cannot fix everything for everyone. While they are amazing at helping people, this isn’t their job and they don’t have to feel ashamed if they need some time for themselves.


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