ENFJ Post-Breakup: Dealing With The ENFJ Heartbreak

Enduring heartbreak is something most everyone has to go through at some point in our lives. While it is a part of life and a very common human experience, that doesn’t make it any easier to get through it. Each person has their own process and needs to go through their breakup in certain ways in order to move on and really cope with what is going on inside of them. It is important to understand ourselves better so that we can figure out the best way to heal from heartbreak. 

When it comes to dealing with a breakup the ENFJ can become a bit overwhelmed by this. They feel deep connections with the people they love, and so losing them can be rather painful. ENFJs try hard to keep moving forward, but dealing with this pain can be challenging for them. They try to repress things and continue moving forward as if everything is fine, since ENFJs don’t want to fall apart. They often have plenty of people who depend on them, and they want to be strong for those they love. Going through a breakup can make the ENFJ want to connect with others, in hopes of keeping themselves busy and distracted from the grief. When they love someone the ENFJ often fears losing them or being abandoned, and so a breakup can feel like those worst fears coming to life.

How They Cope

When ENFJs love someone they give everything to that person, which makes the experience of losing them rather painful. They put so much into all of their relationships and want to do whatever they can to please those around them. ENFJs don’t love halfway, instead they give their heart to someone and strive to make this connection last and work. For the ENFJ this can truly feel like they have been abandoned or as if they have failed in some way. If they couldn’t make this relationship work with all of their efforts, it makes them feel as if they have let themselves and their partner down. ENFJs can experience guilt rather easily, especially when it comes to losing people they love. It makes it hard for them to move on quickly, and so it often takes them some time to really cope with heartbreak in this way. 

The ENFJ might need to take some time to experience those emotions, but it isn’t always how they want to respond right away. Instead they might seek out their friends and people they care for as a means of support and comfort. ENFJs can often try to keep busy when they are struggling, and focus on work or their goals in order to distract themselves. Self-improvement can also be a great tool for them, wanting to find ways to continue to better themselves in order to make the situation feel a bit more comforting. For the ENFJ connecting with others is really the best way to keep themselves from feeling overwhelmed by the situation. Having loved ones who show their support and who are there for the ENFJ, really makes a big difference. Even if they find friends online or someone they can talk to in order to express their feelings, it makes the ENFJ feel much less alone. These connections mean a lot to the ENFJ, and it can give them a sense of hope for the future. Imagining how things can be can really make the situation more uplifting amidst their heartbreak. Most ENFJs find it more natural to talk things out and just be with the people they love when they are struggling. They are social people by nature, and so being around others is something which puts them at ease and makes them feel more prepared to face their struggles. Being alone for too long can be a bit difficult for the ENFJ, as this is when they feel the pain the strongest. Being by themselves means getting into their own thoughts and feelings, which can cause the ENFJ to want to retreat. This is something which can cause them to search out distractions and try to avoid drowning in those feelings or emotions. ENFJs want to seem strong, and don’t like showing weakness to others, which can be a reason why they push past those feelings.

Letting Go

For the ENFJ letting go does mean having to deal with their emotions, even though they might not want to. ENFJs can sometimes try to avoid negative feelings because they want to keep moving forward and don’t want to let anyone down. When they are struggling they don’t want to seem like a burden, and would rather continue to push on and be strong. This can make it hard for them to let go sometimes, especially when they are dealing with something as serious as a broken heart. When the ENFJ deeply cared for the person, they need to take time to mourn the loss and really experience it. They need to take some time to experience the sadness and grieve, even though they might want to avoid this. They need to cry it out and let out those emotions, and possibly do this one on one with a friend. Facing large groups can often be a distraction, and keeps the ENFJ from focusing on what they are truly feeling.

After they have spent sufficient time really experiencing the sadness, they can start to reconnect with others and dive into moving forward with their lives. ENFJs are future focused people and so this does help them get a better handle on things and even let go of the past relationship. They also benefit from doing things like volunteering and helping others, as this gives them a sense of purpose. Feeling as if they are doing something positive for others is something which helps the ENFJ let go and feel good once again.