INFJ Hurt Feelings: How To Deal With Emotional Wounds

Everyone has to endure getting their feelings hurt once in a while, in some instances it is more severe than others. While some people might handle this by burying those feelings and moving on, this isn’t the natural response for everyone. Being sensitive to hurt feelings isn’t something to be ashamed of, having emotions is a natural part of life. For some personality types it does seem easier to receive hurt feelings, especially from those they love. For others it seems to be harder to offend them or get underneath their skin, but that doesn’t mean it is impossible. Anyone with very human emotions is going to get hurt once in a while, whether it is from someone intentionally trying to wound or simply accidental.

INFJs can sometimes be rather stoic people, not wanting to be completely open with their own feelings. They might experience emotions rather deeply and want to connect with people, but for the INFJ it isn’t easy to be vulnerable. They are said to have many layers, ones which they show to people gradually and over time. It can take a while before the INFJ fully shows themselves to someone special, someone they trust, but even then it is difficult for them to express when their feelings are truly hurt. Not wanting to be a burden means that INFJs can hide those emotions which seem sensitive, but that is something which they can learn to become better at over time.

INFJ & Hurt Feelings

When it comes to getting their feelings hurt the INFJ is often rather guarded and tries not to let this show. They aren’t someone who is easily hurt by strangers in most cases, this is often something reserves for their inner circle. They aren’t quite as sensitive as people think, and so when someone they don’t hold in high regard tries to dig at them, INFJs can actually have a thick shell. They try not to let what outsiders say get to them too much, and often reserve these feelings for the people close to them. This does however, cause the INFJ to invest so much of their heart and soul to those people they love most. It makes them a bit more sensitive to the things they say, possible feeling wounded in situations where that was not the other person’s intention. The INFJ can find themselves getting hurt feelings over small actions taken, or even ones which haven’t been taken. They don’t do this on purpose, they just care so deeply about these people and value their opinions and their words. When someone says something which hurts the INFJ, they might try not to let this appear like they are truly upset. They don’t want to be a burden, and don’t want to feel like they are making things worse. They might bury those feelings and pretend like they are fine, but it can certainly come out in passive aggressive ways later on. 

Being that INFJs are often so private when it comes to their emotions, it is hard to always admit when they are hurt. Keeping things inside is just something which feels more natural for the INFJ, sometimes they attempt to bury their own feelings instead of focus on them. INFJs might spend a lot of time paying attention to the emotions of others, which is another reason for them to act as if they are fine and not hurt. They don’t want to do anything which might push away the people they care for most, even if that means compromising their own emotions and sense of comfort. This is certainly something which can cause the INFJ to feel resentful over time, without realizing this is happening. Even though they might not find it easy to open up, it is important to learn how to take that step, or else they might push away the people who they care for without realizing why. INFJs care so much about making others happy, and so when they get their feelings hurt they don’t want to make it a big deal. They might want to appear strong, and pretend as if they are not sensitive to the things people say. 

How to Deal

It is important for the INFJ to be honest with others, as well as with themselves. It isn’t easy for them to be vulnerable or open up about their feelings, but is is important if they want to heal and move forward. When the INFJ gets their feelings hurt it can help to take a step back and even journal about what happened and what they are upset about. There is so much going on inside of the INFJs rich inner mind that it can actually become difficult to find the right way to express certain thoughts and feelings. Instead of just trying to express these things right away, they can benefit from taking time to process them and understand why they are hurt. When the INFJ can write these feelings down and look at them, it can help them find the best way to approach the situation. This can actually be cathartic for the INFJ, and helps them to understand themselves a bit better and why they are feeling a certain way, instead of just burying those feelings inside. 

When they are hurt they need to not let those feelings fester, and instead try to be honest about it with the person who hurt them. Expressing this in a calm manner can really help the INFJ to find some sort of closure, and hopefully the people they love and trust will be able to help them move forward by trying their best to avoid this in the future. It isn’t always easy to express being hurt by someone, it can be a frightening experience. But if the people the INFJ cares for truly care for them in return, they will want to know what is going on inside of them.