INFJ Conflict: Dealing with and Managing Conflict as an INFJ

Conflict is simply a natural part of life, whether it is something we enjoy or not. Conflict is part of how we come to conclusions about things and sometimes how we advance in our careers or relationships. For some people, conflict is where they thrive and is certainly not something they are afraid of. These people enjoy debating and realize that sometimes conflict is how they grow and improve themselves. There are other people who become stressed with conflict, and really hate being around stressful situations. For these people criticism is difficult and exhausting, and so they would rather avoid it at all costs.

When it comes to dealing with conflict INFJs are often somewhat in the middle. They don’t avoid it aggressively, but they do like keeping the peace when they can. For the INFJ it all depends on the specific circumstances and their reasoning behind avoiding or confronting the conflict around them. INFJs can sometimes be difficult for people to understand because of this, as they don’t just respond to things the way most would expect them to. They can often contradict themselves in the way they feel about things, versus the way they actually respond to a situation. For the INFJ conflict is sometimes necessary, where other times it is a waste of their time and energy.

When They Avoid Conflict

INFJs are likely to avoid conflict when it seems pointless and like it is only going to drain them. They are good at keeping the peace when things start to get a bit heated, as they can read the emotions of the people around them. INFJs have a knack for steering a conversation or of changing the mood in the surroundings. They can connect with people and help to calm them down, often knowing the right words to say in order to keep the peace. INFJs don’t like starting conflict with no valid reason behind this, as this seems like a waste of time and energy. Someone who just wants to start trouble and stir things up, is going to seem rather immature and even rude to the INFJ. In these situations they will certainly do their best to avoid conflict, but not always by running away from it. Sometimes the best way for the INFJ to avoid conflict is by calming down the situation and ensuring that people don’t actually want to engage in this type of behavior. INFJs are good at calming situations, and so this is often how they avoid unnecessary conflict. There are times when they might just walk away from a situation, especially if they don’t have much invested in trying to calm everyone involved. If the people are often combative and the INFJ knows it is pointless, they will likely just try to avoid them.

There are some situations where a more insecure INFJ might avoid conflict with someone they love. If they truly care for someone they don’t like hurting their feelings or seeing them upset. They often have a bond in their lives which is highly valuable to the INFJ and they don’t want this to get shaken up too much. If they fearful of losing someone, they might work hard to keep the peace and avoid any type of conflict with that special someone.

When They Accept Conflict

INFJs are accepting of conflict when it seems entirely necessary and there is an actual problem to deal with. INFJs are rarely afraid of being challenged, especially with something they deeply believe in. When they have a cause or something they need to fight for, INFJs can be fierce and rather direct. They are much more logical than people realize, and they actually enjoy spending time learning and reading about new subjects. INFJs can back up their beliefs and choices with plenty of knowledge as well as their intuitive prowess. When the INFJ believes in something and feels it is necessary to stand up for this, they won’t be afraid of dealing with a bit of conflict. They don’t avoid discord because they are afraid, they only do it when it seems like a silly thing to argue or fight about. When the INFJ wants to stand firm on something, they can certainly be stubborn and strong-willed people.

There are times when the INFJ is also willing to enter into conflict with a loved ones, but only if it feels like a healthy process. They realize that sometimes they need to express what is bothering them, and also be open to hearing what their partner is upset about. They want to work through these struggles, and so sometimes conflict is entirely necessary in order to improve and grow together. INFJs want to strengthen their bond, and so the more mature INFJ is often willing to deal with conflict in these situations.

How to Handle Conflict When They Struggle

For the INFJ who does struggle with conflict, the biggest thing is growing in their own confidence. The INFJ who is fearful of conflict is often this way because they don’t want to hurt someone they love or cause that person to reject them. INFJs who fear abandonment are going to struggle with conflict, since that could mean that they might lose someone they love. This can be a long path for the INFJ to overcome those feelings, but it is often the key to learning how to handle conflict. When they start to trust in themselves and their loved ones, they can become more comfortable with the idea of disagreeing with them. They start to accept the fact that even if they disagree or there is some sort of conflict, that doesn’t mean everyone is going to leave. It certainly isn’t an easy process for the INFJ with abandonment issues, especially since they are natural people pleasers. They want to make others happy, and so they don’t want to enter into a situation which might leave people feeling upset or stressed.