Written By Kirsten Moodie
How Each Personality Type Responds When Their Feelings Are Hurt
Having hurt feelings is certainly not a fun experience, but it happens to even the thickest skinned individuals. Some people react by avoiding their sadness, while others find it best to face them head on. Here is how each personality type responds when their feelings have been hurt.
When an INFJ has had their feelings hurt, they initially want to retreat inward. They need time to process what has happened, and consider why they are feeling this way. INFJs are extremely introspective people, which means they want to fully understand what they are experiencing and why they feel a certain way. They will rarely lash out when someone hurts their feelings, and will generally keep their pain to themselves. They don’t want others to know that they are upset, and because of this people will rarely even notice. They want to analyze and figure out if they are overreacting, and try to better understand why this person hurt them. In many cases the INFJ will convince themselves that no harm was intended, and will logically understand the situation and move on. If they feel like someone was intentionally trying to harm them, they might confront that person about it in order to move forward. INFJs rarely lash out at people, it often takes a long time before they feel this is necessary. They will however become much more defensive over someone they love being hurt.
ENFJs will usually start by pretending they are fine, and don’t want others to know they have been hurt. They often shuck their own emotions, for the sake of other people and how they are feeling. If the person did not intend to hurt the ENFJ, they will try to pass it off like nothing happened. They are great at understanding other people, and will often put themselves in this persons shoes before becoming too upset. If the ENFJ comes to the conclusion that this individual intended to harm them, it will likely be very upsetting to them. They might need to vent to their close friends, in hopes of reaching a better understanding of the situation. They will likely wait before approaching the person who hurt them, and hope to move on from the situation altogether.
INFPs take their close relationships very seriously, which can often cause them to get hurt feelings rather easily. They can be sensitive to the words and actions of others, and this is because they love very deeply. If someone close to the INFP hurts them, they will likely retreat inward for a while. The INFP might even avoid people for a few days, especially the person who has harmed them. They will likely run through what happened in their minds and might even consider if they are to blame. INFPs can often take things rather personally, even if they try to pretend they are not actually hurt. They want to be able to overcome these feelings, but often that only makes matters worse. It is best for the INFP to process these emotions, and confront the person who hurt them. This is likely what they will do if they continue to be hurt by that person, but eventually the INFP will feel the need to move on from that relationship.
ENFPs will often react to hurt feelings by simply being shocked that someone would harm them in such a way. They will likely retreat and pretend like it didn’t hurt them as badly as it did. ENFPs can often hold onto things people say, and have a hard time completely letting go. They want to be sure that the person did not mean it, and might need to bring it up a few times in order to move on. If they try to ignore their feelings it can make it difficult for them to fully move on. They might even passively bring it up in conversation, as a way to clear the air without having to directly approach the person. ENFPs often dislike conflict, and prefer to keep things positive. They do however have sensitive parts to them, which can cause the ENFP to become hurt rather easily. They often just need time to process their emotions, and to figure out why things went wrong. If the hurt continues though, and the person keeps doing the same things- the ENFP will likely move on from this relationship.
When an INTJs feelings have been hurt, it is likely because they have let someone close enough to them that they can hurt them. This means that the INTJ will become very upset, but will likely not show any outward change. They often retreat when they are feeling emotional pain, and need time by themselves to process what they are feeling. INTJs take almost everything as a learning experience- and even though they are crushed, they will find a way to grow from the situation. After some time alone to reflect, the INTJ will likely approach the person who hurt them. They will search for a way to better understand what happened, and hopefully move forward from it. If it was a major betrayal though, the INTJ might need to consider moving on from that relationship. If they feel that severing ties is what needs to be done, the INTJ will be very distant and cold towards the person who hurt them.
ENTJs often attempt to approach their hurt feelings with logic and understanding. They don’t want to overreact, so they will often retreat and attempt to analyze the situation. ENTJs can sometimes avoid emotions altogether, and will try to overcome their hurt feelings on their own. They do however, dislike feeling betrayed by someone they care about, and might take things personally if this goes on for too long. Once this occurs the ENTJ will approach the person, in hopes of understanding why they are behaving this way. If they cannot resolve the situation though, the ENTJ will not hesitate to remove this person from their lives. They only want people around them who will help them grow and move forward, and especially desire to maintain close connections with people they can trust.
INTPs can often retreat inward if their feelings have been hurt by someone. They will attempt to ignore these emotions for awhile, in hopes of moving on from it. If the INTP is not capable of bottling up their emotions, they will likely try to logically understand what they are going through. They might attempt to view the situation from another point of view, in order to come to a conclusion. INTPs are capable of understanding that everyone makes mistakes, and are often skilled at looking beyond the obvious. They might find themselves needing time to themselves in order to process what they are feeling. If the INTP believes that someone has harmed them intentionally and has done this repeatedly, they might lash out. This only happens if the INTP is struggling to accept their own emotions, and is often a last resort.
ENTP often respond to their hurt feelings by attempting to ignore them completely. They dislike feeling these sort of negative things, and prefer to focus on something they can find a solution to. ENTPs can sometimes be avoidant when it comes to their own emotions, and will pass them off like everything is fine. This can sometimes cause them to bottle up their emotions, which results in a sort of emotional snap. The ENTP might avoid the person who hurt them entirely, as a way to ignore the negative feelings that are attached to them. If the ENTP does decide to process their hurt feelings, they are likely capable of approaching them from a more logical standpoint. This can help the ENTP to figure out what the other person’s motives are, and come to an understanding that helps them move on.
ISTJs can sometimes ignore their emotions, and might pass off their hurt feelings like nothing happened. They will usually not show any signs of being upset, which can cause others to ignore that they are bothered. ISTJs dislike feeling like they are being emotional, and prefer practical problem solving. They might attempt to analyze what happened, in hopes of figuring out why they are upset. If the ISTJ is capable of sifting through their own emotions, they can often come to a logical conclusion. If they continue to be hurt by the person, they might find that they need to remove this individual from their lives entirely.
ESTJs often avoid their own emotions, and will pretend that they are not upset. They prefer to focus on practical ways to solve problems, and emotions are rather difficult to solve. ESTJs dislike feeling like they are being overly emotional, and because of this they will likely ignore their own hurt feelings. After a while though, the ESTJ might find themselves retaliating. They will become defensive as a way to avoid feeling hurt this way once again. ESTJs will often avoid their feelings for so long, and bottle them up until they explode. This often helps them feel better, but they will also feel guilty for their actions.
ISFJs can often struggle to cope with hurt feelings, especially if it is someone close to them who caused them pain. They care for their loved ones very deeply, which means they are often sensitive to their words and actions. ISFJs will often retreat when their feelings are hurt and will go over the situation in their minds. This might result in the ISFJ becoming more upset, and they will likely blame themselves for what has happened. They want to keep peace and harmony, which will cause the ISFJ to pretend they are not upset. If the person continues to hurt them though, they might feel it is necessary to approach them in hopes of moving forward.
ESFJs often attempt to push aside their own emotions for the sake of other people. They will likely ignore that they are upset, and attempt to bury those negative feelings. They do not want to be a burden to others, and because of this they can sometimes pretend they are not upset. If the same person continues to upset the ESFJ, they will likely make time to approach them about it. If the person does not adjust this behavior, the ESFJ might find themselves lashing out without intending to. They can sometimes retort with hurtful responses, but will regret this immediately.
ISTPs do not become hurt easily, but when they do get upset it is usually within reason. They do not let people close enough to hurt them, and can usually brush off most insults rather easily. ISTPs are often capable of stepping into someone else’s shoes, which helps them to understand logically why a person behaves a certain way. Usually they can rationalize the actions of the person who hurt them, which helps them to quickly move on. If someone truly hurts the ISTP, they will likely retreat inward for a while. They are introspective people, and will need time to analyze their emotions in order to move forward.
ESTPs are rather thick skinned, but can become hurt easily by the people they let in. If they trust someone, the ESTP puts a lot of faith in that relationship. They can often hold onto that pain, but will attempt to pretend like they are not upset. ESTPs will attempt bury their emotions, but after a while they might find this difficult to do. They will often find ways to slip their emotions into a casual conversation, as a way to express what they are feeling to the person who hurt them. ESTPs try to ignore their hurt feelings, but will likely only be able to do that for so long.
ISFPs can be rather sensitive, and might get their feelings hurt easily by their loved ones. They love very deeply, and because of this they can become hurt very much. The ISFP will likely retreat when they are hurt, and attempt to hide their sadness. They might turn to someone they love, and will likely express their feelings to someone they trust. They need to have someone who they can rely on, in order to move forward. If the ISFP does not have someone they feel like they trust, then they will likely spent time alone trying to work through their emotions. ISFPs often try to remove negative people from their lives, and will likely avoid the person who hurt them.
ESFPs can become hurt rather easily, especially by the people they love. The ESFP might react by getting outwardly upset, and will likely be shocked. They will try to move on, but might find themselves struggling to ignore their emotions. The ESFP will do best if they can approach the person who hurt them, and come to some sort of conclusion. ESFPs love very deeply, and want to keep things positive in their relationships. They will do best if their loved ones show remorse for their actions, and try to mend the situation. If the person who hurt them does not seem to care, it will truly hurt the ESFP.