ENFJ Intimacy: How the ENFJ Feels About Intimate Relationships
While many people long for the feelings attached to intimacy, not everyone is all that comfortable with opening themselves up and being vulnerable in the way true intimacy often requires. For some it often feels easier to remain detached, and even distant when it comes to close relationships. They would rather keep people at a bit of a distance, never feeling safe allowing themselves to be fully intimate with them. For others this is the opposite of how they live their lives, and so they are always searching for some sort of intimacy and true deep connection with the people in their lives. This can sometimes be attributed to personality types, as certain types are more drawn to the idea of intimacy than others.
For ENFJs intimacy is extremely important, and something they crave from their close relationships. It can be difficult to entirely open themselves up to true intimacy at times, even though this is something they desire. The fear of being rejected or abandoned, or of having people see their flaws and imperfections, can be terrifying for the ENFJ. Just because this is something they desire, doesn’t make it easier for them to reach that point where they feel comfortable showing all of themselves to someone else. It can be a challenging and draining process for them, but at the same time it is often something they crave and want to seek.
ENFJs see intimacy as a chance to truly connect with someone and feel a closeness beyond the surface. They are outgoing and friendly people who enjoy making friends and acquaintances, but that doesn’t mean that intimacy comes easily for them. ENFJs can certainly get others to open up, and enjoy listening to them and trying to help them in any way possible. While ENFJs are good at connecting with the emotions of others, they can struggle when it comes to opening up themselves. This is where true intimate connections can have certain barriers for them, at least at first. It can take time for the ENFJ to feel safe enough with someone to really show all of themselves in an open way. This is something the ENFJ wants and craves but not something they immediately jump into. They believe in being sure of things and often need time to prepare themselves for what is to come. They want to feel a closeness with someone, especially romantic partners, where the ENFJ feels like they can be themselves entirely without judgement. They are often searching for this type of relationship in their lives, but might have a hard time finding it in the way they truly want to. In order to reach that type of intimacy there are many walls the ENFJ has to let down, the biggest being their image of perfection which is difficult for them to get beyond. They want others to see them as the best, and can be afraid of what happens when someone sees beyond this. Always needing to be everything to everyone, can take its toll after a while.
ENFJs definitely search for emotional intimacy, and care deeply about being compassionate and supportive to those around them. Many people feel a type of intimacy and closeness from the ENFJ, since they are so good at listening and showing their support to those around them. They care about helping and want to be there for people, going above and beyond to help them. This makes people feel safe around the ENFJ, and often prepared to reach a certain level of intimacy with them. While the ENFJ can provide this for others, it isn’t always easy for them to find it themselves. They need to be able to let down their guard, and not be afraid of showing imperfections to someone. ENFJs definitely want a type of intimacy where someone loves them for who they are, and accepts all of the parts of their personality. ENFJs sometimes withhold parts of themselves, the parts they fear people might not like or appreciate. Having someone they can be completely open with and share all of these layers of their personality, would make the ENFJ very happy. They want to be able to feel safe sharing completely, and this type of intimacy is something they definitely crave. This is why the ENFJ can sometimes feel a sense of loneliness even though they have plenty of people in their lives. They might not always feel that type of emotional intimacy and support in return from others, which makes it hard for them to feel truly cared for.
What Holds Them Back
For the ENFJ the hardest thing about being truly intimate with someone is their fear of rejection or abandonment. ENFJs can spend a lot of time trying to be perfect because they don’t want people to see their flaws and run away. They can be afraid of opening up and showing their flaws to someone else, and so they often try to cover them up or make up for them. This can make it hard for the ENFJ to truly be intimate with someone in the way they crave, since it requires letting down those walls and showing their true colors. While ENFJs are still honest and sincere with people, there are just certain imperfections they fear being totally vulnerable about. This can make it hard to be themselves in some ways, although this isn’t necessarily something the ENFJ does intentionally. They might not even realize that they put up these walls, which makes it hard for them to find ways to feel totally comfortable or vulnerable with someone else enough to be emotionally intimate with them. For the ENFJ the first step is recognizing that they might hold back with people, and learning how to find someone they feel safe enough to be themselves entirely. There are always risks involved in being this open with someone, but it is worth it for the ENFJ to find someone who accepts them and their imperfections.