INTJ Conflict: Dealing with and Managing Conflict as an INTJ

Conflict is simply a natural part of life, whether it is something we enjoy or not. Conflict is part of how we come to conclusions about things and sometimes how we advance in our careers or relationships. For some people, conflict is where they thrive and is certainly not something they are afraid of. These people enjoy debating and realize that sometimes conflict is how they grow and improve themselves. There are other people who become stressed with conflict, and really hate being around stressful situations. For these people criticism is difficult and exhausting, and so they would rather avoid it at all costs.

For the INTJ conflict is not something they are afraid, instead it can be rather useful. INTJs do not avoid conflict, instead they are welcoming to debates and anything which can help them learn or teach others. INTJs do have a tendency to find conflict since they are naturally blunt people, who believe in speaking their mind and always being accurate. For the INTJ spreading the truth is more important than avoiding conflict, and so they are certainly not going to avoid entering into a tense situation if it seems appropriate. Where INTJs struggle with conflict is when it is based on emotions and irrational behavior, as this causes them stress.

Why They Deal With Conflict

For the INTJ conflict is simply a part of life, and they recognize this as something which they have to deal with. There are times when the INTJ might even be drawn to conflict, especially if they know the end result will help them grow and learn. INTJs are not afraid of being blunt, especially if that is the best way to convey their point to someone. They are ruled by their minds and in their pursuit of knowledge, rather than allowing emotions to cloud their judgment. Because of this goal, the INTJ becomes less weary of conflict when they know it serves a purpose. They might even enter into debates intentionally, although they can be rather aggressive about this. When the INTJ knows they are right about something and has all the facts to back this up, it is difficult for someone to convince them otherwise. Although that does not mean they are incapable of seeing someone else’s side, especially if that person presents the information intelligently and rationally. INTJs actually enjoy being around people who are capable of making them think about different possibilities, especially if that person is rational in the way they explain themselves. INTJs crave knowledge and information, and so they want to constantly be open to learning about things. 

INTJs also want to be able to spread this knowledge to others, which isn’t always something people are eager to hear or receive. When they see someone being ignorant it is difficult for them to stand idly by and watch, instead they want to be sure to step in with the facts. This can certainly create conflict in many situations, especially with people who are stubborn and less receptive to learning about what the INTJ has to teach. For them it is important to always be upfront and honest, as well as stand up for what they know to be true. INTJs dislike seeing people who are unaware of the facts, especially if they are spreading misinformation around. For them it is worth the bit of discord and discomfort, especially if they can spread the truth.

Where They Avoid Conflict

INTJs might not avoid most conflict, but there are times when they do. INTJs are not good at processing or dealing with emotions, and so when the conflict is based on feelings they might shy away from it. They struggle to deal with people who are emotional or sensitive, as the INTJ just does not find this natural to fully understand where they are coming from. It is not that INTJs are emotionless, not at all, it is just that they don’t really know how to easily process or respond to feelings or emotions. When someone is upset the INTJ wants to find logical reasoning behind this, and to quickly find ways to problem solve in order to make the issues go away. This makes it difficult when someone is being irrational and not properly explaining why they are upset, and so this type of conflict is hard for the INTJ to deal with entirely. This can cause strain on romantic relationships at times, especially if they are with someone who does not compromise. The INTJ needs a partner who can learn how to calmly express themselves, and try to find a middle ground where the INTJ does not feel so overwhelmed by their emotions. 

How They Can Deal

INTJs are rational people, which helps them to recognize that conflict is a natural part of life. They are accepting of the fact that they will have to deal with conflict and situations which can be a bit stressful at times. In most circumstances the INTJ is going to be open to dealing with conflict, and can even find ways to problem solve and resolve the issues at hand. They even thrive in some conflict situations, especially ones which help them showcase their skills and teach others about something important. INTJs are certainly not afraid of dealing with a bit of discord, and are willing to do so if they see something can be gained from this.

Where INTJs struggle is with emotional conflict, and this can be hard for them to find ways to process this. The important thing is for them to take it as a learning and growth experience, knowing that this is often where their weaknesses are. Emotions can be hard for the INTJ to process but it does not mean they are incapable of doing so. It is best when they can try and connect with someone and find a compromise between themselves and the other person. If the individual who is emotional or upset can try and find a way to rationally explain themselves, the INTJ might be more open to accepting their emotions and not feeling so overwhelmed by them.


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