INTP Loneliness: Why INTPs Feel So Lonely

Anyone can feel lonely, for some people it can feel like a constant struggle. Loneliness isn’t the same as just being alone, and is a much deeper feeling. Some people experience this loneliness when they are surrounded by people, because they never truly feel like people are listening or connecting with them. Being alone also doesn’t always create this sense of loneliness, and so the feelings is something much more complicated than simply having people around you. For some people it can be an ongoing search to find those connections which will make them feel complete and understood.

INTPs definitely experience feelings of loneliness, sometimes even when they have close friendships and relationships. It can be hard for them to open up to people, since they are deeply feeling people but don’t fully know how to process those emotions. Sometimes being someone who feels so different from others can cause the INTP to feel misunderstood, and they end up distancing themselves because of this. While they might want to feel close to people, that doesn’t make it easy for them to take those next steps towards connecting and reaching a deeper understanding.

Never Feeling Understood

INTPs struggle with feeling understood by most people, since they feel like they cannot fully express themselves the way they want to. While the INTP has a complex inner mind, that isn’t the only part of themselves they struggle to explain to others. INTPs feel emotions deeply, they just don’t show them outwardly. Even when the INTP wants to express those inner feelings, it never seems to come out the way they want. They might feel like they are being very expressive and detailed, yet the feelings come out in pieces and much more vague than the INTP realizes. This is something which they struggle with and it can cause them to feel a disconnect from those around them. The INTP who is trying so hard to connect, might feel like no one understands them the way they want to be understood. This makes it harder for the INTP, and can cause them to put up walls in hopes of avoiding this type of hurt in the future. Feeling so different can be a challenge for the INTP, especially when they are trying to forge bonds which will spark their soul and make them feel alive.

They Can Be Alone For a Long Time

INTPs don’t need a lot of face to face interactions, and actually enjoy being alone quite a bit. INTPs can go for long periods of time without being around people, and they actually feel just fine with this most of the time. Just because they enjoy being alone, does not mean they want to be lonely. INTPs often enjoy people who they can feel close to even when they aren’t physically together. They also enjoy relationships with people who can sit beside them in silence, without making them feel guilty for their need to avoid too much social interaction. This can be a challenge for the INTP, since their need for time alone can make them feel alienated from others. When they don’t feel safe expressing this need for space to recharge, the INTP might just start to distance themselves so they can avoid the backlash they might receive from this personal need.

Fear of Rejection

INTPs can certainly be afraid of rejection, much more than most people realize. This is something which can often stem from childhood, and feeling like their differences have been judged by those around them. INTPs put up walls so that they can avoid this type of hurt in the future, but this makes it hard for people to connect with them properly. The INTP might feel misunderstood, but in some cases they distance themselves from ever showing who they are to people. This fear of being rejected and hurt can cause the INTP to push people away before they can ever reach that point of getting truly close to someone. It isn’t necessarily an intentional action and the INTP might not realize they are doing this. They want to get close but they don’t want to risk the feelings of being rejected, and so they create these hurdles and walls which keeps people from being able to fully understand them and where they are coming from. While the INTP might feel safer this way, it can certainly cause them to feel lonely in most of their relationships. Keeping people at a distance is something which makes it so hard for the INTP to reach this deep level of connection which would make them feel truly appreciated for who they are.

Tools to Cope

For the INTP some of the best coping tools can be understanding themselves better and how they respond to people around them. Knowing why they feel so lonely is certainly a step towards bridging the gap they create between themselves and those around them. INTPs do care about their loved ones and sometimes they just struggle to show this the right ways. The INTP does benefit from learning more about how they express their affections, and finding ways to express themselves towards people in a more personal and individualized manner. Sometimes the greatest struggle for the INTP is opening up, so that they can find people who will appreciate what they learn about the INTP. It isn’t always an easy process, since expressing their emotions is something INTPs struggle with, but sometimes just sharing that fact with the right people helps them to connect and grow closer. They can also benefit from trusting in themselves more, and not feeling like they need to second guess every choice and action they make in relationships. INTPs might not want to get hurt, but that is the very thing which can hold them back from really bonding with someone in a way which removes that sense of loneliness.

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