INTP Hurt Feelings: How To Deal With Emotional Wounds

Everyone has to endure getting their feelings hurt once in a while, in some instances it is more severe than others. While some people might handle this by burying those feelings and moving on, this isn’t the natural response for everyone. Being sensitive to hurt feelings isn’t something to be ashamed of, having emotions is a natural part of life. For some personality types it does seem easier to receive hurt feelings, especially from those they love. For others it seems to be harder to offend them or get underneath their skin, but that doesn’t mean it is impossible. Anyone with very human emotions is going to get hurt once in a while, whether it is from someone intentionally trying to wound or simply accidental.

INTPs have a tendency to hide their feelings, and focus more on facts and information. This isn’t because they don’t feel things as strong, it is just easier for them to focus on things which are more tangible. INTPs still get their feelings hurt just as easily as anyone else, especially with someone they care for. INTPs can be sensitive to getting hurt feelings without fully realizing that they are, since they have a tendency to bury things inside in hopes that they will go away. Sometimes neglecting those emotions can make them worse and cause them to fester as they go unresolved for so long. INTPs might appear to be impervious to getting their feelings hurt, but that could not be further from the truth.

INTP & Hurt Feelings

INTPs might appear to have a thick outer shell, but this is simply because they keep their emotions to themselves. They sometimes seem cold to those who don’t know or understand them well, but this is a complete misconception about who they really are. INTPs feel more at ease focusing on facts and information, things which they can analyze and understand. When it comes to emotions they can struggle to fully understand them, since emotions aren’t things which are always based on factual information and cannot be tangible in this way. Things that the INTP cannot prove can be confusing for them, which makes their feelings sometimes overwhelming. This doesn’t mean that INTPs don’t experience emotions on the same level as a feeling type, they actually do feel things very deeply and can be truly loving and giving people. When they care for someone it means a lot to them, which means that INTPs can be surprisingly sensitive to the things they say and do. They can in fact, get their feelings hurt just like everyone else, sometimes even more often because they don’t really focus on those emotions in the right way sometimes.

Being that INTPs have a tendency to try and bury their feelings, they can actually be more prone to getting hurt by little things. When someone they care for says the wrong thing, the INTP might over-analyze their words or misunderstand where they are coming from, which leads to them feeling wounded by it. This can be confusing at times, since it isn’t likely that the INTP will try and process those hurt feelings by talking about them and expressing them clearly to their loved ones. Instead they are likely to hold them inside, hoping they can just bury those emotions and move on. This can certainly be something which causes the INTP to feel frustrated, as repressing those emotions really doesn’t make them disappear. They don’t want to be seen as sensitive or vulnerable people, but when the INTP truly cares for someone they can be easily hurt by what they say or do. This is why it is so important for them to learn how to connect better with those feelings so that they can work through them. Instead of expressing that they are hurt, the INTP is likely to retreat inward and try and distance themselves from others for a while. They want to try and get their distance so that they can find a way to logically analyze their emotions instead of simply feeling and processing them. Most people won’t even be aware that the INTP is upset, until they have more passive aggressive moments around them which won’t really explain what is going on inside the INTPs thoughts.

How to Deal

While being guarded and sometimes distant is part of how the INTP behaves naturally, there are certain things which they can learn to process better. INTPs enjoy being able to grow and improve, and they are very capable of doing this. It isn’t easy for them to open up and learn how to express those feelings, but it is something they can improve on over time if they are willing to do so. INTPs care deeply about their loved ones, and because of this they can be hurt by them just like anyone else. Naturally they will want to bury those emotions but this is not going to help them truly move forward or become closer to this person they care for. Sometimes writing down their thoughts and feelings can be a helpful step in processing them, since it isn’t always easy for the INTP to put these things into words for others. 

INTPs have so much going on inside of their thoughts and sometimes explaining those patterns takes time. Just seeing the words written down helps the INTP to process them sometimes, and so they can better figure out how to explain their feelings to someone else. It isn’t good to bottle those emotions up constantly, and so sometimes the INTP just needs to allow themselves to feel certain things even if those emotions don’t always make sense to them. It helps to have loved ones who are supportive and understanding, and who are more comfortable with emotions and being able to express them. If the INTP feels rejected once they express those emotions, it can make it even harder for them to open up in the future.