INTP Conflict: Dealing with and Managing Conflict as an INTP

Conflict is simply a natural part of life, whether it is something we enjoy or not. Conflict is part of how we come to conclusions about things and sometimes how we advance in our careers or relationships. For some people, conflict is where they thrive and is certainly not something they are afraid of. These people enjoy debating and realize that sometimes conflict is how they grow and improve themselves. There are other people who become stressed with conflict, and really hate being around stressful situations. For these people criticism is difficult and exhausting, and so they would rather avoid it at all costs.

INTPs are rarely seen as fearful of conflict, especially not when it is necessary. They do however, have a tendency to avoid conflict which seems pointless or is with people they don’t see themselves gaining anything from the debate. INTPs become drained easily with too much social interaction, and so they do value their peace of mind when it comes to this. At the same time, INTPs are not afraid of dealing with conflict, especially when they have a point which needs to be made. They follow logic and facts, and so sometimes this means entering into debates with people and having to be precise about things which can certainly cause conflict.

How They Deal

For the INTP dealing with conflict is not something they immediately want to run from, especially if it seems valid. They realize that there are times when they need to deal with the discord and figure out ways to come through it. INTPs are excited by learning and want to always be capable of expanding their minds and their way of thinking. Because of this they are not afraid of conflict, since it is an important part of growth and change. When the conflict situation is completely useful and will help them learn more about themselves and others, the INTP is willing to enter into this situation. They actually enjoy debating with people from time to time, especially when the subject is interesting to them. For the INTP it is more about their interest level and if the conflict seems like it serves a purpose for them to learn. They are often searching for ways to resolve the conflict at hand, but not my simply brushing it under the rug. Instead the INTP wants to learn from the situation, but also they want to use the knowledge they already have to teach others as well. When the INTP knows that something is true and factual, they want to be sure to be as precise as possible in order to show this to others. For some people the INTP wanting to teach them and help improve their behavior, can seem like they are being condescending when in fact that is not the case. Often the INTP just wants to help spread the truth, but not everyone is open to removing their ignorance.

Emotional Conflicts

When it comes to conflict which is based solely on emotions, this becomes a bit more strenuous for the INTP. They really don’t like dealing with someone who is being emotional and cannot seem to restrain their feelings. While they aren’t afraid of certain kinds of conflict, when emotions are the cause they can become quickly drained by this. INTPs don’t want to deal with this type of stress and often do not know how to navigate it. This can be frustrating for romantic partners, since the INTP might try to avoid the conversation when it is strongly based on emotions rather than facts. This is more true of the younger INTP, since they are certainly capable of maturing and growing their weaker functions as they develop. 

Dealing with people who are being irrational however, is never something the INTP finds easy. They don’t want to be around someone who is simply trying to prove themselves right when they are being completely illogical. This is both draining and pointless for the INTP, and so they often want to avoid being around these types of people. They might find themselves getting into an argument with them, and realize this leaves them feeling emotionally and mentally exhausted. INTPs want to be around people who are capable of holding a conversation without allowing their emotions to control them. This doesn’t mean they are incapable of having a conversation about their feelings, it just needs to be done in a calm and comfortable space. This is something the INTP can become more at ease with over time, but they would need a patient partner to give them space when they have had enough.

How to Manage Conflict

Since INTPs actually enjoy learning and analyzing situations, certain conflict is perfectly fine with them. They are not afraid of things getting a little heated, or of having to deal with less than ideal situations. The INTP wants to learn from their circumstances and so there are many times when conflict is acceptable for them. They aren’t the type of people to run from a debate, especially if they feel like something can be gained from this. INTPs are certainly not fearful of conflict, and instead want to approach it from the perspective of learning and understanding something new. 

Where INTPs struggle is with emotional conflicts, but this is certainly something they can learn to manage. For the INTP the most important part of managing this conflict, is understanding where the other person is coming from. When they value a person and care deeply for them, they are much more capable of being patient and trying to compromise for that individual. INTPs might never be good at handling irrational people, since this is just part of who they are and how they process the world around them. They can however, learn how to deal with emotional conflicts in their relationships, and over time they can find it easier to understand why their loved ones are upset. This helps when the INTP can explain to those people that they need a calmer means of explaining themselves. INTPs can understand someones hurt feelings, if that person tries to be more rational in how they express them.

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