INFJ Flirting & Dating: How to Attract an INFJ

Each personality type has their own way of flirting and connecting with others. When it comes to romance, not everyone approaches it the same or even shares the same relationship values. INFJs have a unique approach to romantic entanglements, but they also value them very much. Some INFJs might be hesitant about romance, even though most can peg them as affectionate and open people. In truth, INFJs keep so much to themselves and have many layers which make it difficult for them to feel comfortable really opening up to someone, even if they like them very much.

INFJ Flirting

INFJs actually struggle more when it comes to flirting with someone they truly like. Someone they are just being friendly with they can often flirt and be rather playful right away. INFJs are funny and often more charming than even they realize, and so when they are relaxed, they can flirt by making jokes and using their wit to appeal to someone. When the INFJ has started to develop real feelings for someone, or even just a strong crush, this is when their flirting style changes a bit. They become nervous about actually being too open and playful, not wanting to go too far with things. They might be afraid to really flirt at first, so it can take time for them to reach this point. The INFJ usually need the other person to make some sort of gesture or sign that they are interested for the INFJ to start attempting to flirt a bit.

To the INFJ, flirting with someone they truly like is often much more subtle. This is when the INFJ starts wanting to dive into deep and intimate conversations. They will ask the object of their affection about their inner thoughts and feelings, wanting to really dig deep. They don’t want to flirt in a shallow way. Instead, they want to learn more about this person. They want to see deep into their soul for a moment and feel themselves connecting to this special someone. When the INFJ reaches this point where they want to flirt in this way, it means they are truly interested and feel something special. For the INFJ, one of the most obvious signs they are flirting with someone is simply by how much time they invest in them. They want to be around this person and show them they are valuable and important.

In a Relationship

Some INFJs can be hesitant to enter into romantic relationships. Not because they don’t want to but simply because they are nervous about opening up to someone. INFJs don’t often dive into romance freely and fearlessly. Instead, they are more likely to take it slow. Even when the INFJ feels something strong for someone, it takes time for them to expose the many layers of who they are. They often have steps, and it is a long process for them to fully feel themselves comfortable enough to show every part of themselves. The more the INFJ trusts this person, the more they show themselves and express who they are inside. Being able to do this is probably the most exciting and terrifying thing for the INFJ since it leaves them feeling vulnerable. 

While INFJs are loving and compassionate people towards others, that doesn’t make it easy for them to be open about what is going on inside of their own hearts and heads. This is why connecting with someone romantically can take a lot of time and patience. When the INFJ does reach this point, it can really be wonderful both for them and their partner. Healthy INFJs are truly amazing in relationships and willing to go above and beyond to make this person happy. They will do whatever it takes to always be supportive and kind, never selfish or inconsiderate. INFJs are excellent listeners who actually enjoy spending hours hearing what their partner has to say. They don’t just wait for them to finish so they can gab about themselves. Instead, they want to hear these things and feel close to the people they love. INFJs can be rather romantic people when they feel comfortable doing so and can really find unique ways of doting on their partner.

One of the most prominent INFJs qualities is their fierce sense of loyalty and protectiveness. When they love someone, the INFJ is extremely protective of them and will always stand in the way of people wanting to hurt this person. They can be a bit frightening to anyone who does hurt the person they love most, possessing a ruthless side that not everyone knows about. This is a side of the INFJ that is only exposed in these situations where someone they love has been deeply wronged or hurt.

Casual Dating

INFJs are rarely drawn to casual dating and often find this type of thing to be exhausting. Dating, in general, can be draining for them since they don’t like interactions that seem shallow and like they aren’t actually leading to something meaningful. INFJs prefer to meet someone naturally and get to know them first so that they can be sure there is something real beneath the surface of their connections. Casual dating can feel truly insincere for the INFJ, especially since these types of connections drain them. INFJs really need something more substantial if they are going to invest their time in someone. Since they do actually feel content to be alone most of the time, the INFJ doesn’t really feel the need for casual dating.

What Attracts the INFJ

INFJs are often attracted to people who are passionate souls with so much going on inside of them. They are drawn to those who possess depth and can express this in their own unique ways. Someone shallow is truly unappealing to the INFJ and is highly unlikely to interest them at all. They want someone with an intelligent mind and a complex way of viewing the world. These types of people are capable of teaching the INFJ something new, and this leaves them feeling excited and intrigued by their presence.

They do sometimes find themselves attracted to people who possess a certain kind of quiet confidence. They don’t enjoy those who are show-offs and need to constantly boast about themselves but instead have sincere confidence and sureness in the way they hold themselves. This causes the INFJ to feel an instant sense of curiosity, and they often want to know more about this person and what makes them tick.

Compassion and being able to really listen are also qualities the INFJ is naturally attracted to. Someone who actually shows caring towards others and is not constantly focused on themselves and their own feelings. Someone who can be supportive of the INFJs needs and enjoys listening to them talk and express their feelings. Having someone who actually shows that they care and is capable of standing by them through anything, these are the things that mean the world to the INFJ. When someone has seen the many layers of the INFJ without judgment and fully accepts them, this is when they are truly going to feel happy in a relationship.

Read More About the INFJ:

Complete INFJ Article Collection


This Post is Brought To You By BetterHelp


Are you tired of fighting your demons?


Do you feel alone in your internal struggle? 


Do you want to be heard?


Maybe your mental health needs a checkup…


Do you wish someone was in your corner coaching you, 


supporting you, 


and helping you navigate life better?


We have the solution.




You’ve probably heard of BetterHelp on podcasts, TV, or through endorsements from your favorite celebrities. 


The reason it is so popular is because it works. 


Plain and simple.


And that’s why we have BetterHelp as our sponsor.


BetterHelp matches you with a professional therapist that helps you talk through and solve your problems.


You’d be surprised at how much of a relief it is to have someone fighting in your corner to put you back on track and ease your feelings of anxiety. 


Imagine having someone you can talk to weekly about all that you’re struggling with. 


There’s no shame in getting help. 


More and more people are turning to online therapy from the comfort of their own home. 


It’s easy. 


It works.


Picture yourself talking over text or video to a therapist that has been trained in just the right way to handle the problems in your life.


The burden doesn’t have to all be on you. Figure out a way to ease the burden and feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders.


Isn’t that something you want?


We all do. I’ve been a member for more than 2 years and have seen a drastic increase in my mental health and the weight of my inner struggles has definitely been lifted.


Give it a try. I know you’ll be impressed and see results that put you in a better mood and a better frame of mind.


Sign up below and receive 15% off your first month.


BetterHelp: Get 15% Off


Please note: We receive a commission on the sale of any product or service through BetterHelp.


P.S. The 15% Discount is only available through our link here. Sign up for less than $70/week.