ESFJ Flirting & Dating: How to Attract an ESFJ

When it comes to flirting and dating, ESFJs are often naturals. They enjoy being able to connect with people and get to know them. ESFJs are often naturally friendly people, but it is important to know the difference between friendly flirting and serious flirting. When the ESFJ really likes someone, the way they flirt is often different than the way they show a sense of friendliness and likeability to others. Many people see the ESFJ as a flirt when in certain cases, they are simply trying to be gracious, especially when they are a host. ESFJs want to make everyone feel comfortable, and sometimes their understanding and compassionate nature make them seem like they are flirting when this isn’t their intention.

ESFJ Flirting

ESFJs are often outgoing people, but flirting with someone they truly like is often different than expected. ESFJs might actually tease this person in a playful manner, not wanting to make it too obvious that they have feelings. They don’t do this to play games. They just find it natural to try and attract someone in more of a coy fashion. For the ESFJ, it is about a push and pull so that they can figure out if this person is truly interested. They will often take time to figure out what their crush likes in hopes of finding ways to connect with them without it appearing too intentional. The ESFJ becomes genuinely interested in this person and everything that makes them tick. They want to know who they are and all of their desires, and they even hope to be able to make some of them come true. When the ESFJ does fall for someone, they really want to be special to that person and would give anything to be able to make them truly happy.

ESFJs often express interest in the things their crush likes, wanting to show them how flexible they can be. They might not show them directly. Instead, they might express these things to their shared friends, hoping to find ways to just bump into their person. While ESFJs do try to be subtle at first, they have moments when their more daring side comes out. If the ESFJ is fearful of losing their chance to be with someone, they might start to express their feelings much more outwardly. ESFJs don’t want to let someone slip away when they truly like them, and as they get older, their flirting style can become more obvious and even a bit seductive.

In a Relationship

In a relationship, the ESFJ is giving and compassionate. They strive to do whatever they can to make others happy. ESFJs are very in tune with the emotions of others, so being there for the people they love is important to them. When they are committed to someone, the ESFJ takes this very seriously and believes in standing by that person with a sense of complete loyalty. They don’t believe in turning their back on someone and are willing to do what it takes to make the relationship work so long as the other person is trying their best as well. ESFJs naturally enjoy being a support system for their loved ones, and in a romantic relationship, they often try to be everything they can be for their partner. For the ESFJ, it can be overwhelming at times since they want to be perfect for the person they are with, and obviously, this creates unrealistic expectations for them. They give so much of themselves, and they really need someone willing to give back so that the ESFJ doesn’t feel unappreciated. Their romantic relationships are extremely important to the ESFJ, and they often prioritize their partner above themselves and many other things in life.

Casual Dating

ESFJs are rarely made for casual dating and often find it a bit exhausting. ESFJs enjoy meeting new people, but they are more drawn to committed relationships with someone special. With casual dating, they rarely find that they get what they need and will feel like something is missing. ESFJs might date a bit when they are younger in hopes of finding someone right for them. They don’t want to commit to someone unless it feels right, but at the same time, they don’t feel comfortable dating casually in a way that leaves them feeling a bit empty. The only reason the ESFJ might participate in casual dating is that they are pressured by friends to “have fun” instead of taking their relationships so seriously. Playing the field really isn’t something the ESFJ enjoys, as they want to find someone they consider to be their partner and even soulmate in life.

How to Attract the ESFJ

ESFJs are attracted to people who are passionate and unique and become bored with those who don’t have any kind of spark or fire in them. ESFJs are often drawn to many different kinds of talent and enjoy exploring the different special qualities that someone might possess. A person willing to share things with the ESFJ and open up about their interests and dreams is often truly intriguing for the ESFJ. They are actually attracted to people who are different from the norm, someone who doesn’t always do what they expect.

While ESFJs do like people who are a little bit spontaneous and know how to make their life an adventure, they also need someone willing to compromise a bit. Without a sense of compromise, the ESFJ becomes drained by this spontaneity, and it can appear more like recklessness. They enjoy a sense of balance, as well as someone who can appreciate their needs. ESFJs don’t find it easy to tell people what they need, so they require a partner who is willing to ask these questions and who genuinely wants to care for the ESFJ as well.


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