ENFJ Manipulation: How ENFJs Deal With Manipulation and Coercion
Everyone is capable of manipulating others, some are just more prone to this behavior than others. Being a manipulative person is rarely tied to someone’s personality type, but the ways in which someone can manipulate often is. While manipulation is not going to be more common in certain types, each personality type has their own methods of trying to adjust a situation so that they can get the results they want. It can help to understand these methods in a more personal way, so that we can be more conscious of someone’s intentions and actions. It is also important to understand how each personality type handles feeling a sense of manipulation from others, as some will be much less forgiving when this happens to them.
For ENFJs manipulation isn’t always done to hurt people or control them. They are very focused on the emotions and needs of those around them, and so sometimes they manipulate situations in hopes of actually helping. This can seem confusing to some, or like a backwards way to show they care, but for the ENFJ it is often sincere. They want to be able to help people without causing trouble or conflict, and so sometimes this means using their ability to coerce others into making the best choices. They want to help the people they love and want to do whatever they can to protect them from getting hurt or making mistakes. For the ENFJ sometimes manipulation is a useful tool, and it isn’t always something which is done as a negative.
For the ENFJ manipulation is often a tool to helping their loved ones fix their situation and make better choices. They try to be subtle and don’t want it to be obviously they are attempting to sway their decisions, and ENFJs can be quite good at this. Since they are so in touch with the emotions of others, ENFJs can often read how their words are affecting someone. They are also conscious of what to say in order to push just the right amount without setting off any red flags or frustrating anyone. They don’t want this to become an argument or a cause of conflict, and so manipulating this person in a more subtle and harmless way often feels like the best choice. Instead of trying to convince this person by disagreeing with them and using facts or logic, the ENFJ feels like being much more discreet is the better option. They make the other person feel like it was their own decision and they came up with it, planting the ideas and subtly pushing them in the right direction. They can be good at mind games, and so for the ENFJ this can be used for good or to cause harm. The healthy ENFJ is still going to exhibit these behaviors, the difference is that they do this purely to help and benefit the other person. Sometimes for the ENFJ it is just about instilling confidence in someone else, wanting to show them the good that they can see in them. It isn’t always about making them decide on a certain path, in these situations it really isn’t something they consider manipulation. They just use examples and certain scenarios in order to help build this person’s confidence and help them see the good in themselves that they were blind to.
ENFJs also manipulate their environment when it feels like conflict is about to arise. They want to try and mediate the situation and prevent anything from getting too heated. ENFJs want to create a sense of peace and happiness in their environment, and so they might manipulate in order to achieve this. When they can feel that things are going in a bad direction, they will attempt to calm people and convince them that they don’t want to create this type of discord. ENFJs can be good at convincing people that they don’t want to fight, or that they simply misunderstood something. They do this with the best of intentions, not wanting to allow anyone to disrupt the harmony in their surroundings. For some people this can seem wrong, and they might become frustrated with the ENFJ for attempting to sway their mood. The intentions are genuinely to help people and to prevent anyone from getting upset. ENFJs just don’t like feeling like the people around them are unhappy and so they want to do whatever they can to fix this. They would feel a sense of guilt if the people they love were fighting and miserable, and so the ENFJ simply wants to prevent this at all costs.
Being Manipulated By Others
ENFJs can sometimes be more easily manipulated by the people they love, since they don’t really see it coming. ENFJs want to make people happy, especially the ones they care for the most. When they are close to someone they can certainly have blind spots, and are likely to only see their positive traits. When these people guilt the ENFJ or try to play into their emotions, they can often coerce them into doing just about anything for them. This doesn’t mean ENFJs are easily manipulated by just anyone, and they might even be aware when it is happening. They simply don’t like seeing anyone in pain, especially when they can do something to avoid this. When someone the ENFJ loves tries to convince them to do something for them, it is hard for them to turn this down. This can cause them to be more easily manipulated by people close to them, even at times when they realize it is happening. Sometimes their sense of guilt is just too hard for them to ignore, and so they would rather do what they can to please those around them. This doesn’t mean the ENFJ won’t reach a breaking point though, especially if they feel like their kindness is being taken advantage of far too frequently.
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Great article, feel it describes me and my motives, as an ENFJ, very well.