ENFJ Hurt Feelings: How To Deal With Emotional Wounds

Everyone has to endure getting their feelings hurt once in a while, in some instances it is more severe than others. While some people might handle this by burying those feelings and moving on, this isn’t the natural response for everyone. Being sensitive to hurt feelings isn’t something to be ashamed of, having emotions is a natural part of life. For some personality types it does seem easier to receive hurt feelings, especially from those they love. For others it seems to be harder to offend them or get underneath their skin, but that doesn’t mean it is impossible. Anyone with very human emotions is going to get hurt once in a while, whether it is from someone intentionally trying to wound or simply accidental.

When it comes to the people they love the ENFJ can be somewhat sensitive to criticism and getting their feelings hurt might happen often. ENFJs don’t like showing weakness or behaving as if they are not in control of themselves. They don’t often show vulnerability to others, since they don’t want to seem like they are some kind of burden. ENFJs have big hearts and are giving people, but that doesn’t mean they find it easy to focus on their own emotions. Instead of tending to their own feelings, ENFJs spend a lot of time and energy focused on helping others and what they are going through. This can cause them to repress when they get their feelings hurt, rather than dealing with and processing those emotions.

ENFJ & Hurt Feelings

When it comes to getting their feelings hurt, ENFJs can be rather sensitive to what people say and how they criticize. They spend a lot of time and energy trying to care for those around them, and so certain criticism can be rather hurtful to them because of this. They want to feel like they are appreciated for everything they do, and sometimes it feels like these actions just aren’t good enough. ENFJs invest so much in making others happy and in ensuring that they are probably cared for. They want to feel a sense of appreciation from those they love, and want to feel like they are sensitive to the ENFJ feelings as well. They don’t ask or expect much, but they do need some sort of sensitivity or else they can feel like that person doesn’t really care about their feelings. The trouble for ENFJs is that they really hate feeling like a burden, and don’t find it easy to express their inner feelings.They don’t want to feel like they are upsetting someone else by expressing their own emotions, and really hate starting trouble or discord. ENFJs would rather avoid this, and so they might bottle up their hurt feelings and pretend like they are fine. This isn’t always as easy as just pushing aside those emotions, since it can cause them to behave in passive aggressive ways without meaning to. Feelings find a way to express themselves, and the more the ENFJ holds them in the worse it can be.

For the ENFJ it can seem like the best choice to just bury things when they are hurt, not wanting to appear like they are weak. They are often very sensitive and understanding when other people are in pain or become emotional, but they become hard on themselves when the situation is reversed. They don’t want to feel like they should be stronger or should be withstanding things better, and so they rarely find it easy to express those feelings. Being someone who focuses so much on the emotions of others, is actually something which makes it hard for the ENFJ to focus on themselves. They can struggle to really process their own hurt feelings, not wanting to spend much time diving into those negative emotions. Being vulnerable can be unnerving for the ENFJ, more than most people realize since they appear so open and enthusiastic most of the time. They are often more withdrawn than people realize when it comes to their own emotions, especially when they have become hurt. They might put up walls and appear composed, pretending like nothing is bothering them, when in reality they are very hurt.

How to Deal

Being someone who always tries to play mediator and make things peaceful around them, can make it hard for the ENFJ to figure out how to deal with their own hurt feelings. They need to start to learn how to process their own emotions, and make room for themselves in their environment. It isn’t an easy thing for the ENFJ to do, but that doesn’t mean they are incapable of this. They simply need to take time for themselves and start setting boundaries so that they can form these habits in their lives. Being someone who cares about others so much makes it hard to care for themselves, but this is something they can start to prioritize over time. Once they start to make room for their own needs, it becomes easier to express when their feelings have been hurt. 

ENFJs can benefit from writing things down, or from verbalize those feelings out loud when they are alone. This can help them to process what is going on inside of their own heads before they express them to someone else. It can be hard when people aren’t listening to the ENFJ, or when they feel like their loved ones are not respecting them. If they don’t start to demand that respect, it will continue to be a struggle for them to prioritize their own emotions enough to show when their feelings are actually hurt. This is often the biggest hurdle for the ENFJ when it comes to being wounded by those around them, as they find is more natural to continue on and be strong to the outside world. In order to build the lasting connections they value and find their own joy, the ENFJ needs to be more comfortable sharing their emotions even when it is because they have been hurt by someone.