Written By Kirsten Moodie
7 Things INFJs Won’t Tell You But Secretly Want You To Understand
There are things that we sometimes hide from others, but that doesn’t mean we do not wish for them to know. INFJs are rather complex individuals, with a rarity and depth that is unmatched. They often keep parts of themselves hidden away from people and only the luckiest individuals get to peer inside. Here are just a few secrets that INFJs wish their loved ones would understand about them.
They Are Introverts, But They Crave Connection
INFJs need plenty of alone time in order to recharge their batteries, and will often retreat into themselves for long periods of time. They have very rich inner worlds and they can often spend hours just pondering the thoughts inside their head space. They are satisfied spending plenty of time on their own, and actually require this in order to feel energized and fully alive.
It may appear like they do not need anyone in order to feel happy, but that is simply untrue. They may not make this fact known to others, but INFJs crave human connection. They are happiest and most satisfied when they feel the presence of someone they care for in their lives. The only thing is, this presence does not have to be a constantly physical one. They will enjoy spending time with the people they love, but they often feel closer to them when they are separated from them. Having this time alone to think about the people they love, allows the INFJ to appreciate them on a much deeper level. While they are separated from their loved ones, they actually think about them often. Just because they are not physically with you, or constantly talking to you, this doesn’t mean you aren’t on their mind. Most likely they are remembering their favorite things about you, or seeing parts of you in the littlest things while they go about their day. This time away actually allows the INFJ to develop a stronger connection to the people they love. Having alone time to think about people, helps them to truly appreciate them. Give your INFJ time away from you, and they will often come back more affectionate and deeply loving who you are.
They Live With Intense Guilt
INFJs are major perfectionists, which means they live with an intense amount of guilt over the things they deem as failures. They don’t often share this fact with people, but it is often something that plagues them constantly. They will sit and ponder the different times they made mistakes, or times they harmed the people they love, and they will feel very saddened by this. They will often wish they could go back and change things, and think if only they had done it all differently.
Their dark side often hurts them more than it does anyone else. When they have weaker moments that cause them to do or say things that hurt the people they love, it often tears the INFJ up inside. They will never forget the hurtful words they said, even if other people have long forgotten them. They will often see these things as much worse than they actually are, but that is simply because they care very deeply. They hold themselves to rather high standards, which makes them capable of constantly blaming themselves for mistakes long gone. These standards that they hold themselves to can be very unreasonable, but the INFJ expects perfection from themselves oftentimes.
The best thing for an INFJ is to have people in their life that will stick around no matter what. Show support and help them cope with their mistakes. They need to be reminded that everyone has moments of weakness, and that people will love them even when they fail.
They Are Thinkers Too
INFJs may connect with people based on emotions, but they are extremely deep thinkers. They will often make a decision based on the way it will morally or emotionally impact people, but that doesn’t mean they are not logic minded as well. INFJs will often spend hours in deep thought, mulling over ways to understand the complexities of the world around them. They are rather intelligent individuals, who favor logic in a way that many feeling types do not. Their desire to understand things can sometimes make them appear less emotional and more logical. Often when an INFJ is spending time alone, they are deep in a world of thought. They often enjoy reading about new subjects and absorbing as much information as they possibly can.
INFJs might have a desire to care for and understand people, but they are also very intelligent individuals. Their capacity for learning is extremely impressive, and they often enjoy long conversations about complicated and mind enriching subjects. This plays into their paradoxical ways, they are both emotional and logical beings in equal parts.
They Are Hopeless Romantics
INFJs often appear cynical on the outside and might make sarcastic jokes that appear like they do not believe in true love. The truth is that INFJ are extremely complex people, with many layers leading towards their true and honest self. They are often fearful that people will not understand them or appreciate them, so they keep them at a distance until they are sure they can be trusted. INFJs cynicism is simply a protective shell in order to keep them safe, because if people know they truth they might take advantage. Deep down INFJs believe in love, in a very honest and beautiful way. They believe in feeling completely and madly in love with someone and they wish to spend their lives with someone who understands them completely. They want to find the right person to share this with, but they take it very seriously. This can often be a struggle since many people want flighty and fun relationships, but INFJs want something real, even if it isn’t always easy.
Sometimes it is Easier to Write it, Than it is to Say it
INFJs often have a beautiful symphony of words inside their mind. These words fall together and explain their thoughts in a perfect way, but it isn’t always easy to speak those things. They can struggle with finding ways to explain themselves to others verbally, but are often skilled at putting things into writing. Sometimes it is best for an INFJ to have the time and patience to sit down and write out what they are thinking, rather than being forced to speak out their thoughts and feelings.
They Are Perceptive (Maybe a Little Obsessive)
INFJs are extremely perceptive and will often notice things about people that no one else can see. They are capable of understanding their loved ones on a rather deep and often frightening level. They are able to see beyond the surface and beyond the image, and peer into the depth of someone’s soul. People will often come to their INFJ friend for understanding and clarity, since they feel more understand by them than by anyone else. Their ability to fully “get” people is something that makes them wonderful companions.
When an INFJ truly cares for someone, they may become a little obsessive over learning more. They simply want to absorb everything that this person represents, until they know them better than anyone else. This comes from a place of admiration and consideration, and is actually a wonderful thing. Their desire to connect with people makes them incapable of getting enough of the people they truly enjoy.
Their Complexities Know No Limits
The INFJ is often seen as a complete paradox, with conflicting themes that make them hard to understand. They often keep themselves locked away from others, but they truly crave finding someone who understands them. This can make their life rather difficult at times, but simply requires the right people to crack away at their shell. Many of their conflicting qualities simply require a deeper look to fully understand who they are. Being complex is what makes the INFJs so capable of empathy and compassion, in a way that many people are incapable of.
INFJs may not always share these thoughts with the people around them, but that doesn’t mean they don’t wish that people could understand. They put forth so much effort in order to understand others, and they simply wish for an ounce of that effort in return. They don’t want to have to force people to appreciate them, they simply want to feel like they are worth it.
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