INFJ Manipulation: How INFJs Deal With Manipulation and Coercion
Everyone is capable of manipulating others, some are just more prone to this behavior than others. Being a manipulative person is rarely tied to someone’s personality type, but the ways in which someone can manipulate often is. While manipulation is not going to be more common in certain types, each personality type has their own methods of trying to adjust a situation so that they can get the results they want. It can help to understand these methods in a more personal way, so that we can be more conscious of someone’s intentions and actions. It is also important to understand how each personality type handles feeling a sense of manipulation from others, as some will be much less forgiving when this happens to them.
While INFJs might dislike manipulation, that doesn’t mean they are not capable of it. The fact that INFJs are so in touch with the emotions of others can make them talented when it comes to the art of manipulation. Being someone who can read emotions and recognize people’s needs, makes it rather easy to figure out the best ways to manipulate or coerce them into doing things. For the INFJ who has had a less than desirable upbringing, sometimes manipulation is something they learn in order to keep themselves out of a bad situation. They might become more at ease with these types of behaviors depending on their past and what they have been through, whereas a healthy INFJ will try to avoid this type of situation.
INFJs are naturals when it comes to reading the emotions of others, which can be a useful tool in manipulating them as well. Of course, someone being willing to manipulate for their own personal gain has nothing to do with personality type. Whether someone wants to manipulate others to get what they want depends on the individual, but their natural ability to do so can certainly be attributed to personality type. For the INFJ their desire to manipulate can depend on so many factors, and sometimes it isn’t with the intention of being selfish or harming anyone. Often times the INFJ might manipulate someone in the hopes of helping them, especially if it seems like that individual doesn’t have their life together.
When the INFJ attempts to manipulate because they care for someone, this is actually something which is a bit more common for them. They care about helping their loved ones and can really worry when they see them fumbling. INFJs want to be able to step in and help, but this isn’t always something people will openly accept. Sometimes this means they need to find more subtle ways to coerce this person into doing the right thing. For the INTJ the intentions are purely to help their loved ones make their own lives better, and so they can often feel as if this is justified. Their intentions are good, and the INFJ might not even consciously realize they are doing it. They just want to help their loved one do the right thing and make their own lives better, and so sometimes using manipulative tactics is a useful way to get them there. They don’t want to be pushy but INFJs can feel a sense of guilt if they don’t do whatever they can to help the people close to them.
The less healthy INFJ might have fears of being abandoned, and this can also be a reasoning behind their manipulation. They might seek to guilt people into sticking around, finding ways to make them feel like they owe the INFJ. Their intentions are often to keep that person close, not wanting to feel like they could lose them. They don’t always do this maliciously, sometimes the manipulation is much more subtle and only done in order to keep people close. INFJs can struggle with finding someone they feel sincerely connected to, and so when they do find this person it can be hard to let them go. They want to keep this special person close, and so they might feel this natural drive to keep them around even if that means manipulating them in some ways. When the INFJ knows someone well, it becomes even easier for them to know exactly how to manipulate and coerce that person. This is because of their natural ability to recognize the emotions and desires of others, and they can easily play into this if they so choose.
It is often difficult to truly manipulate the INFJ without them recognizing what is happening. They are so in touch with the intentions of others, that they can often read when they are not being sincere. It is rather difficult to sincerely get around the INFJ, they can sense when someone is being dishonest or attempting to manipulate them. They have a strong sense of intuition and a natural awareness of the emotions of others, combined this helps them read people very well. Where they struggle is with someone they care for deeply, as they might possess blind spots with these people. INFJs will look beyond what they know to be true and try to make excuses for them, wanting to only see the best in them. Being able to see the potential in the people they love can cause the INFJ to trust in them, even if they are being manipulative. This doesn’t mean the INFJ is doing so deliberately, they just become so much more aware of the potential and the good things in someone they love deeply. They want to be able to believe in them and so they might try to give them to benefit of the doubt. When the INFJ does recognize manipulation it becomes hard for them to trust again, struggling to know who they can really rely on. For the INFJ trust is truly important and being manipulated makes it hard for them to ever confide in someone or turn to them again. Too much of this can lead to the INFJ door slam, which causes them to shut this person out completely.