Written By Kirsten Moodie
How Each Myers-Briggs Type Handles Feeling Ashamed
We all make mistakes in life, but sometimes these errors can cause us to feel very ashamed. Every personality type deals with shame in different ways and some struggle to cope more than others. Here are the ways in which each Myers-Briggs type handles feeling ashamed.
INFJs actually experience shame on very drastic levels, and sometimes suffer from a shame spiral that can be hard to pull out of. Once the INFJ begins to feel embarrassed for something they have done, they may find themselves thinking about all of their previous shameful actions. INFJs can be extremely hard on themselves, so they definitely struggle with feelings of shame.
The best way to help an INFJ cope with feeling ashamed, is by reminding them of their true self. They need to understand that they are not worthless just because they have made mistakes. Even the kindest souls have had moments where they haven’t been perfect.
ENFJs are often very strong-willed individuals and when they make a decision they are sure of it. They are rarely ashamed of their mistakes when it comes to the typical things. They are rather good at keeping their business to themselves and away from people they don’t want to hear about it. ENFJs are most likely to be ashamed if someone they care about has been hurt by their actions. If the ENFJ feels like they haven’t been able to care for others they will definitely experience shame.
The best way to help an ENFJ cope with their feelings of shame is by reminding them how needed they are. They need to remember how much they have done for others and how hard they work on a daily basis.
INFPs are extremely caring and sensitive souls, which can lead to them feeling a lot of shame over their actions. They feel shame towards even the smallest things, like forgetting to smile at someone in the supermarket. They might be afraid that their actions have negatively affected others and that will truly upset the INFP. They genuinely want to be good people and because of this they may experience feelings of shame for times when they fail to be their best selves.
The best way to help an INFP who is experiencing feelings of shame, is by reminding them how hard they try. They know that no one can be perfect, but they certainly do try to be good. They have a knack for seeing the good in others and are capable of pushing part some of the hardest experiences.
ENFPs actually care very much how they might affect other people. They dislike feeling like they may have hurt others and might feel extremely guilty over this. They may actually hold onto mistakes from when they were younger and try very hard to fix those errors. ENFPs are rather open individuals who enjoy taking risks, but that doesn’t mean they do not experience feeling ashamed. They will often feel rather guilty and ashamed of the moments they harmed others accidentally.
It is important for the ENFP to remember that everyone makes mistakes in life and that they need to move on and forgive themselves. Feeling shame and guilt can only lead to shutting yourself out from the people who care for you and that is not going to fix anything.
INTPs may appear much more impervious to shame than they actually are. They are intelligent individuals who are often capable of being rather discerning about other peoples opinions of them. When it comes to people the INTP cares for or holds to a high regard, they will be rather susceptible to their judgments. INTPs will feel ashamed if they have hurt someone that they care for, or if they have done something embarrassing during their more “open” moments. INTPs actually care very much about the people around them, which can result in them feeling ashamed.
The best way to help the INTP cope with these shameful feelings, is by helping them reach logical conclusions. Help them understand how they can avoid these bad situations in the future. When they INTP is armed with logic they feel much more comfortable moving on.
ENTPs are acutely aware that people make mistakes in life, which often arms them against feeling ashamed. They are risk takers and enjoy living their lives to the fullest. They love exploring new ideas and are constantly in search of their next debate. Because of their argumentative nature, ENTPs may be less susceptible to shame than some of the other types. ENTPs will only feel ashamed when they consciously know that what they did was not on par with their own values. Guilt tripping is often not going to work on the ENTP, since their feelings of shame will come from inside.
ENTPs will often be very good at coming to term with their feelings of shame all on their own. They are rather conscious of their own actions and know how to forgive themselves for such mistakes.
INTJs will usually only experience feeling shame when they have failed to live up to their own expectations. They will definitely not become easily manipulated into feeling ashamed by those around them. INTJs are often extremely aware when someone is attempting to manipulate them, and it will close them off to that person immediately. INTJs will experience internal shame when they realize they have not lived up to their full potential.
INTJs often would prefer to deal with their emotions on their own. Once they are aware that they are feeling a certain way, they simply need time alone to cope and move on.
ENTJs often feel ashamed when they feel like they have failed at a task. They put a lot of pressure on themselves to be successful and this can cause their expectations to be rather high. If the ENTJs hasn’t accomplished a personal goal how they would have hoped, they might feel personally ashamed. They will often be very good at overcoming these feelings though.
The best way for the ENTJ to move past their feelings of shame, is by accomplishing an even greater task. They often love a challenge and will be able to find something else to distract them from their negative feelings.
ISTJs are extremely hard working individuals and they might experience feelings of shame if they feel like they have failed in some ways. If the ISTJ has chosen the wrong person to date, or isn’t doing well at their job- this will cause them to feel very ashamed. ISTJs want to be able to accomplish their goals without failure, which can put a bit too much pressure on making the right decisions.
The best way to help an ISTJ cope with their feelings of guilt is simply by letting them know how well they are actually doing. Show them other people who aren’t accomplishing nearly as much as them and they will realize how good they are actually doing in their lives.
ESTJs experience guilt when they feel like they have failed in more practical ways. They work very hard to care for the people in their lives and want to be seen as someone who can accomplish anything. If the ESTJ has not been able to live up to their own personal standards, as well as the standards of those around them, they will feel very ashamed.
ESTJs need to be able to feel comfortable admitting to their mistakes, without feeling judged. It is important that the ESTJ remembers how hard they work and how much good they have done. Remembering their accomplishments is a great way to help the ESTJ cope with their feelings of shame.
ISFJs can suffer from shame rather frequently, especially if it is being placed on them by the people closest to them. They care very much about others and simply want to take care of the people that they love. If the ISFJ is being told that they are being considerate enough of the feelings of others, it will definitely cause them to feel ashamed. ISFJs simply want to keep the people around them happy and will feel extremely unhappy with themselves if they feel like they are failing.
The best way to help an ISFJ get over their feelings of shame, is by being more supportive of them. They need to realize that they cannot be perfect and they are doing their best. It is important that they remember how much good they have done.
ESFJs actually have a hard time with experiencing feelings of guilt or shame. If they have failed someone that they love, the ESFJ will feel incredibly ashamed. They may try to find ways to fix the problem, which can sometimes only make the situation worse. When they feel like they have hurt someone close to them, the ESFJ may struggle immensely with feeling ashamed for this error.
The best way to help an ESFJ cope with their shame, is by accepting their mistake. Let them know that you forgive them and still love them even though they are not perfect. The ESFJ needs to accept their error and learn to forgive themselves for it as well.
ISTPs are very intelligent individuals, who favor logic over emotions. They are perfectly capable of understanding that everyone makes mistakes in life, which often helps them refrain from feeling ashamed. ISTPs may sometimes feel ashamed if they believe they have harmed the people that they love though. ISTPs actually care very deeply about those closest to them and when they are too harsh it is not intentional at all.
Most of the time ISTPs are perfectly capable of dealing with their feelings of shame. They are skilled at understanding situations and will often be able to forgive themselves for their mistakes in life. They realize that no one can be perfect and so they don’t expect that from themselves either.
ESTPs often experience feelings of guilt when the people they love try to manipulate them into feeling this way. ESTPs enjoy living in the present moment, which sometimes causes them to do things that they later regret. When the ESTP feels like they have upset those closest to them, they will actually feel very ashamed by their actions.
The best way to help an ESTP cope with their feelings of shame is by letting them know that you forgive them. They need to realize that everyone makes mistakes and they cannot be perfect. Once the ESTP is reminded of how many wonderful things they do for others, they will be able to move past their shame.
ISFPs are extremely caring and compassionate individuals, which can often lead to feelings of shame. ISFPs simply want to be seen as good hearted people and work very hard to see the beauty in others. If an ISFP feels like they have wronged someone, they will definitely feel ashamed of themselves. They sometimes have a hard time living up to the expectations of others and may experience shame because of this.
ISFPs simply need people in their lives that will love and accept them completely. When the ISFP has a safe place to go where they do not feel judged, they will be able to cope with their shameful emotions.
ESFPs spend most of their time soaking up life and trying to live in the present moment. If the ESFP feels like their sometimes flighty actions have harmed other people, they will feel ashamed of this. ESFPs may be better at hiding their shame, but that does not mean they do not experience those emotions.
The best way to help an ESFP cope with their shame is by forgiving them. Let them know that you are okay with their mistakes and that everyone makes them from time to time. Sometimes it helps to let them know of a time they you messed up as well.
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