Getting the Girl
The title of this article is what a few of my friends have made their life mission. Moving from one girl to the next for the sake of what they gleefully call “the chase” as some women are perfectly aware of, they treat the idea of dating as something akin to a safari hunt or Man vs. Wild.
The focus here is for someone looking specifically for a relationship, nothing more and nothing less. There are pick-up artists sites scattered across the internet and they may or may not be for you. I’m not even trying to knock that lifestyle – do what you want to do, but I’m speaking from my experiences – and mine are with relationships, not short-term hookups. The question I’m answering is for those looking to date: How can you increase your productivity and chances of dating someone that works?
The Numbers Game
Have you ever heard of One-itis? Also known as “that one special girl”-syndrome? A lot of guys become so obsessed with the pursuit of one particular girl that it literally absorbs their lives completely. Nine times out of ten, this fails because of how “Do-or-die” dating that girl becomes. They start acting awkward, stupid, or straight-up creepy out of complete fear of rejection. This sometimes borders evolving into limerancy, which is a topic for another time. What I can say is that it is completely foolish to limit yourself to pursuing one person. Not only is that limiting your network (for example, I met an ex through another girl I was originally romantically linked with), but it’s setting yourself up for failure.
This is one point I have in common, I believe, with pick-up artist styled philosophy: start talking to women. Start talking to as many as possible. Start talking to them right now. If you’re reading this in a coffee shop and a girl that you think is cute walks by, please close your computer and go talk to her. You might make a complete fool of yourself. You might meet your future wife. Regardless, start being proactive in talking to women. Before I met my current girlfriend, I was talking to around four or five different women. When I say “talking” I of course mean that my romantic interest was clear and that we were hanging out at least relatively regularly. Those four or five women were filtered down from about twenty I attempted to pursue. That is to say, a woman of interest that I invited for coffee or attempted texting after meeting them. Some ignored me, some flat-out turned me down, and a few talked to me. I didn’t worry about rejection, I worried about being productive.
From there, I met my current girlfriend, politely stopped talking to the other women, and the rest goes down in history. Unless this relationship falls through, and then the cycle begins anew. I believe that ultimately, if you truly want to meet someone, then playing the numbers game will ultimately work.
- Imagine if you talked to 50 different women?
- How about 100?
Odds are that you’d meet at least one that you could connect with enough to date. So stop focusing on one woman, and start just focusing on meeting them.
Eliminate the Friend Zone
The friend zone is something a lot of guys blame on their failures with women. “I’m such a nice guy! I’m too nice, and I get friend-zoned! Why do jerks always win?!” I hear that a lot and it isn’t a good enough excuse for me. What actually happened was that the woman, realizing that the guy pursuing her was doing his nice guy routine, wasn’t being real, was acting uncomfortable, made her feel weird, and he was dead in the water as a romantic partner about two hours in.
I will be the first to admit that I am not a master player, and I largely have little game. However, I am honest. If I’m interested, I ask her on a date. She says no, I say goodbye. I am honest with my personality. Am I gentleman? Absolutely. Am I acting overly nice and cautious to impress her? Not in a million years. I believe that most women can see right through that. The science is that women often have more talent at reading microexpressions than men. If you aren’t the nicest guy on the planet but are trying to act that way, they’ll see right through it. Nice guys really get the girl, but they’re actually nice. They aren’t showing a composite personality they tossed together.
To eliminate the friend zone, you have to be willing to say that you aren’t just friends with her, and you need to do it earlier rather than later. If you’re interested, stop overthinking the situation. If you have at all caught her interest, she will say yes. If she gives you a reason as to why she can’t, but it leaves hope in your mind, it’s still a no and it’s time to move on. She just didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I’m not saying you can get any girl you want – but I am saying that you can filter every woman that you potentially are interested in by having the guts to ask her on a date. Get rid of that social anxiety and start moving.
There are other tips that I may eventually address, but for starting out remember that if you want to start dating someone, you need to be proactive. Take risks, get rejected, get beaten up, but start doing it. You’ll find the right person sooner than you think – so long as you are looking.